Joke 版 (精华区)
发信人: wug (无语问苍天�), 信区: Joke
标 题: 大话西游之english剧本
发信站: 哈工大紫丁香 (Tue Dec 18 13:22:17 2001) , 转信
标 题: 大话西游之english剧本
发信站: BBS 水木清华站
, 第一幕
人物：观音、唐僧、孙悟空、导演
观音：孙悟空，you had promised to protect ……
(导演突然从旁窜出，向观音跃起做打势)
导演：我kao!下去，下去！
（背景字幕：聊天室公告：观音因重复发言被逐出聊天室。）
I haven't introduced myself. I'm an excellent, distinguished, famous,
wonderful, outstanding, great and popular director----斯皮尔**。
（字幕：聊天室公告：观音重新进入聊天室，观音：我回来了，我回来了！）
观音啊；孙悟空，you had promised to protect Teacher Tang to the West. But no
w you are here to eat him with Satan Cow. Don't you know you have
Broken the low of heaven?
孙悟空：Shut up! You have been pursuing me for three days and three nights
I haven't killed you just because you are a woman! Which洋葱are you?
唐僧：How dare you speak to Sister Guanyin like that!
孙悟空：Shut up!
唐僧：Don't frighten me !
观音：You have robbed 紫霞of Moon Light Box. It's clear that you are to avoi
d me.
孙悟空：So that now I'll sentence you to death .
(将月光宝盒一抛)
唐僧：（慢步走去拣起月光宝盒）What? What's the matter?
（很认真的看着孙悟空）You are so naughty . I have told you many times.
Don't throw rubbish anywhere. Throwing rubbish everywhere is not right. ( 孙
悟空将手中金箍棒一扔)Look! I haven't finished my lecture, but you are droppi
ng your stick again. Even if Moon Light Box is not expensive, it will pollut
e the environment. What should we do if it knocks meimei. It's more terrible
to knock down a 恐龙。
（孙悟空一把抓住月光宝盒）What are you doing?
孙悟空：Give me!
唐僧：Do you want it? If you want it, you should say to me that you want it.
If you don't say to me that you want it, how can I know that you want it? T
hough you are looking at me with sincerity, you still need to tell me that y
ou want it.
Do you really want it? Ok, here you are. （孙悟空正要接）
Don't you want it? Do you really want it? Don't you want it? Do you wa
nt it?……
孙悟空：我kao!(一拳打倒唐僧)
观音：Oh, my God!
孙悟空：Ha, you see! This fellow always does nothing but 婆婆妈妈and 叽叽歪歪
，just like a fly---嗡……….Oh sorry, not one , but a crowd of flies surrou
nding you. 嗡………flying into your ears. HELP!!! (倒地做翻滚状)
（突然站起）So I catch it and 'k'(手掌切向唐僧脖子，唐僧头一歪，趴倒)
孙悟空（充满感情地）：Then everything is in silence, the whole world is peac
eful.
唐僧（突然抬起头，望着孙悟空，疑惑地问）：Really?
观音：Take nonsense. Actually in your mind you don't want to go to the West.
唐僧：Dear Sister, it's your fault!
观音：Ah ha?
唐僧：That he wants to eat me is just a project and hasn't been carried out.
Since you haven't any evidence, how to commit him? Is it better to accuse h
im of murdering until mission accomplished.
观音：我kao! I 服了you. I have heard of your annoying for a long time. But t
o my surprise, you're so 罗嗦. The Golden Circle I gave you was to deal with
the monkey, but why didn't you use it?
唐僧：唉！The size of the Golden Circle is so awful. It's 前重后轻，左宽右窄
. He felt uncomfortable when wearing it. And he was sleepless all night. It
will also bother me . Though he was a monkey, you can't treat him in this wa
y. If 吴启迪（注：同济校长）knows, she will blame me of 虐待动物and will 扣我
学分.
(对观音做耳语状)By the way, I have a secret to tell you. Last year I met a c
arpenter in 陈家村。他手工精美，价钱公道，童叟无欺，连续三年荣获省优部优国优
产品，终身保修，环线内免费送货上门。
（转向观众，拿出一横幅）订购电话：＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊
观音（转过来，打开另一横幅）：Email 地址：Carpenter@大话西游.com
唐僧（轻声对观音说）：Remember, it's just a secret between you and me. (突然
回头，面向观众，大声说)谁知一传十，十传百，变成全国皆知的秘密。
观音（得意的）：表现好，当然全国流行。
导演（冲上前，将二人打出）：Sorry, sorry. 观音因受厂商贿赂，导致刚才误播一段
广告，接下来请继续 郎 同济英语剧场之大话西游。
第二幕
人物：唐僧、甲乙二小妖、内务
唐僧被二小妖押上，奋力反抗但无法挣脱。
唐僧（大声）：Help! 悟空！Help!
( 音乐响起：男生大合唱《only you》之唐僧版：
"On-lyyou--!能伴我去西经
On-lyyou--!能杀妖和除魔
Only you 能保护我，叫螃蟹和蚌精无法吃我
你本领最大，就是only you-
On-lyyou--!别怪师傅嘀咕：
戴上金箍儿，送死你去，拼全力为众生！
牺牲也值得，喃无阿弥陀佛"）
（放音乐同时，小妖乙下去拿了副耳塞，堵住耳朵）
唐僧（叹了一口气，对着两小妖）We're all born equally.So we all have our own
mother. The only difference between you and me is that 人是人他妈生的，妖是妖
他妈生的。You know?
小妖甲、乙同时：I can't bear it!
乙（对甲）：Please kill me. Kill me please.
(甲对乙一顿暴打，赶至门口，甲吹了口气，乙从门口消失）
（甲从唐僧前走过）
唐僧：Excuse me. What's your mother's name?
甲大喊：Ah---!(冲向窗口，欲跳下）
（内务突然出现）
内务：Wait, wait, wait!
(一把拉住甲，对其摇手不语）
甲（挣扎着）：Release me! What are you doing?
(内务递上一根粗麻绳，回身默然下场）
甲（充满感激地望着内务逐渐远去的背影）：You're the only one who understands
me in the world.
(打开麻绳，往脖子里一套..........)
第三幕
人物：至尊宝、西洋武士、紫霞、导演
至尊宝（深情地）：Once there was a piece of true love in front of me, but I
didn't hold it. I was in deep regret when I lost it. That is what suffers me
most in my life. If I were given another chance, I would tell the girl: I L
OVE YOU!
If we have to add a time to the love, I hope it will be ......(音乐响起，刘德
华《爱你一万年》）
西洋武士和紫霞面对面站在城墙上，两人直线距离约三米。
西洋武士：It seems that I shouldn't come.
紫霞：Now it's too late.
西洋武士：Leave me some memories, will you?
紫霞：I don't need memories. What I need is only you!
西洋武士：You can only get my body but not my soul. I've had my own lover al
ready. There's no chance between us. Let me go!
紫霞：Ok! I'll let you go. But you must kiss me before leaving.
(音乐响起Ruby"Go on...Go on...")
西洋武士：After all, I'm a knight. How can you order me?
紫霞：You're telling a lie. You dare not kiss me just because you still love
--
※ 来源:．哈工大紫丁香 http://bbs.hit.edu.cn [FROM: 172.16.6.158]
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