发信人: oceann (dany), 信区: English
标 题: The First Intimate Touch 第一次亲密接触
发信站: 哈工大紫丁香 (Sun Aug 10 12:33:15 2003)
Disclaimer
The idea of translating<< The First Intimate Touch>>（《第一次亲密接触》）
has been formed in my mind since I happened to read it. Definitely, it’s suc
h a moving story that it could make the tears of many young lads and maidens d
own from their cheeks. So I refer to it as “ tears-killer “.
The process of translating was boring, frustrating and tiring. Sometimes,
I sat in front of my computer for hours, and achieved little. I encountered w
ith new words and Chinese phrases time and again. Without other choices, I nee
d to consult <<Oxford Advanced Dictionary>>(《牛津高阶词典》) or other soft wa
res of translation （《金山词霸》 & 《自由英语XP》）so as to have an acceptabl
e answer.
As a freshman of English majors, I found myself incapable during the tran
slation. Many of the new words are obstacle to me, a student, who is on the wa
y to perfect English. So there must be much incorrect translation, which is no
t to your heart’s content. So please comment on the points, I will modify the
m on the later version.
As for the purpose of the translating the novel, one half is for fun, the
other half is to improve myself in English. Often I like saying that life is
too short for us to pass anything up. I like enjoying my life. I like catching
the opportunity of my life journey. I like seeing the beauty of things around
my life. So translating the novel, in my humble eyes, is also part of life.
Just enjoy the story! It’s my whole hope when you read it.
P.S:[另]
1) In total, I have translated 3 chapters during my summer vocation. The r
est will be finished after I returned home in winter holiday. So please be pat
ient.
2) I will be sorry if there is something that pisses you off. In short ，I
am a filter not a shooter.
Thank you all.
------David Wong(王大伟) E-mail Address: interpreter@2911.net
2002. 8
The First Intimate Touch
Chapter 1 Plan
------Written by Hippy Cai.
Beginning to know her was on the network. How did it begin? I don’t quite
remember. In my collection, it started off from one of my plans on bulletin b
oard:
“If I had one million dollars, I would buy a villa.
Can I have one million dollars? No.
So I still don’t have a villa.
f I had wings, I would fly.
Can I have wings? No.
So I still can’t fly.
f all water was pumped from the Pacific, it still couldn’t put out my
love to you.
Can the water be pumped dry? No.
So I still don’t love you.“
It’s only my occupational disease. I’m a graduate student. In order
to write mathematic equations, my brain is always just filled with all kinds o
f logical stuff. When the assumption is not correct, the conclusion we obtain
is just boo shit, which is just as nonsense as to discuss whether a eunuch is
more likely to have a son or daughter. So writing down such a sort of milk and
water in my plan proves that I’m a boring person to the most degree. Definit
ely it’s true, because I never managed to have a girl. So it is reasonable en
ough to say that I am a bachelor
owever, she is an exception. The other day she actually sent me an ema
il saying that I was a funny guy. Funny?
ow can the adjective be used to describe me? Just as honesty cannot be
long to Present. Li Denghui . I thought she either had a low IQ or a mental il
lness.
owever, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with her mind judge b
y the name “Flyindance“ she uses on the web.
ut the web is usually full of fakes. Nobody knows that you are a dog.
In other word, A dinosaur never admits she is a “dinosaur“ and tells you tha
t she lives in a Jurassic park. She always makes every means to mislead and ch
arm you. So the nice nickname absolutely is the best tool to capture pure lads
such as me.
eferring to dinosaurs brings the miserable memory to me again. I have
met some cyber friends. One is more challenging than the previous one, which l
eads to my white flag in the love field. Sometimes I think I can become the ma
in character in Aunt. Qiongyao’s novels, because there are adequate materials
for her to dig up. Also my roommate Ted had the same experiences. If we use t
he number of girls we’ve met on the web as the x-axis, the amount of shock an
d blows we received as the y-axis, we will get a linear equation according to
an advanced analysis. Then take the differential coefficient on X and indefini
te integral on Y, we will acquire the theorem -- “No beauty on the net“. The
oretically, the web is clustered with various female dinosaurs. The only diffe
rence is whether she is carnivorous or herbivorous.
efore introducing “flyindance“, I’ve got to mention Ted first. He h
as been my buddy since undergrad. But our personalities are just in the differ
ent ends of the world. He is tall and handsome, and above all, he is extremely
talkative. I doubt if there is any female organism that can survive in his bo
undless small talk. I am willing to call him “Lady Killer“, and actually he
is a professional player in the field. The number of girls who suffer from his
charming can be counted to hundreds and thousands all over the Tai Wan Island
s. He can beat any rival in love in the battle, but he never takes in any ‘ca
ptive’. He told me that he had achieved the maximal truth about love that is
’walking through flowery fields without any petal in body.’ It’s believed t
hat the degree is higher than poet Xu Zhimo’s ‘brandish my gussets and leave
every cloud behind’. He has to brandish his gusset to abandon the former lov
er, however, Ted needs no gusset at all.
ed always says that I’m really a poppet in the dating industry. Well,
I’m afraid I can’t blame it on him. I’m neither a tall nor handsome boy, w
earing a pair of glasses with deeply short sight, which makes my eyes look lik
e a straight line. Once in class of water conservancy, the professor picked on
me, because he wondered whether I was sleeping. However, I was in nature conc
entrating on listening. Maybe it’s because of eight character about my birth.
Since childhood, the kind of people around me is either girlish boys or boyis
h girls. Ted usually maintains that there are four types of men on the earth.
First, ‘reap where one has not sown’. They don’t need to chase. Girls will
automatically try to hook them up. Secondly, ‘reap with ease where one has so
wn’. They can get their work done easily. Thirdly, ‘reap where one has sown
hard’. They have to rack their brains to run after girls. But they still can
make it when their wits almost end. Fourthly, ‘sow hard and reap hard’. Just like me, they are the most miserable guys. What they can do is
count on miracles, just as a blind cat counts on coming to a dead rat.
n fact, Ted is my great chum. He always tries hard to ‘lend’ his gir
ls to me, but I always rock the boat. I shouldn’t be to blame, because I lear
n self-respect and honesty from Confucius and Mencius. However, the more I lea
rn it, the worse things will get, for it’s the most stupid thing in chasing g
irls. For instance, once I had a date with a not-very-slim girl. I was kind to
ask her to have some more dessert, but she said she was afraid that she’s go
ing to be out of shape. Off the top of my head, I added that it’s too late.
ast year, I was out with a girl for dinner. She revealed with flourish
that her friends said she had the angel’s face and the devil’s body. But I
answered seriously:“ I am sorry to say that your friends commented on it in a
n opposite way“.
t was lucky that we just had a refection, and I was only hit by a chop
stick. If we had had beefsteak, there probably would be a murder.
Since that experience fleeing from the hell, I become aware of how terri
ble girls on net. Later Ted came up with a principle of escaping -- whenever g
oing to a date with girls known from the web, we should take a beep pager. We
will aid each other by making the counterpart’s BP ring. If met a carnivorous
dinosaur, we would tell her: “My dorm is on fire.“ For herbivores, we would
say: “My dorm was broken into by a burglar.“ In total, Ted’s room had been
on fire four times and broken into six times. I’m much luckier, only had my
room visited by burglars five times.
Therefore, before meeting “flyindance“, my heart has been trained stro
ngly. Even if encounter with dinosaurs again, my heart can still keep a normal
rate of 72 pulses per minute. Ted once reminded me that if “flyindance“ did
n’t have long hair, she would be a bitch, because when dancing, women only ha
ve two parts flying: hair and skirt. Flying hair is of course beautiful; flyin
g skirt, however, indicates sexual implication. But I all the time think she i
s unique. Fortune-telling books say that people of scorpio have acute instinct
. So I hold firm belief in my sixth sense. As for Ted, although he is able to
measure the size of a girl’s chest circumference just by a simple glimpse and
tell the detailed information whether she has a bra of size B or size A and h
ave the girl in a few days, he might not really known a girl.
Ted always quote Shakespeare’s wisdom “Women are to be loved, not to be
known“ to prove that knowing a girl is not a prerequisite to win her heart. T
o be honest, there is some sense in the sentence. I once had the experience to
live along with another four girls. It’s a bitter recollection. I had to tac
kle every life trifle for them, because they only know sentimental writings of
the exploiting classes. In order to secure their virtue, I had to call the ro
ll late. If I had had some wicked idea, others would have laughed at me having
an inside job. If I had kept a certain distance with the girls, I would have
been considered as putting on airs, even given a calling card of some surgeon.
Worst of all, when they came back after bath, I had nobody but myself to enjo
y, because I could only taste beauties by my eyes. Living in the identical hou
se with them for 2 years, I realized a truth that the poses they adopted to co
unter their own leg hairs are identical, no matter how immaculate, lovely, tender, naivete, handsome, elegant and slender they are. Also they
shouted to me to hand sanitary towel to them through a door gate in a toilet.
The First Intimate Touch
Chapter 2 FlyinDance
------Written by Hippy. Cai
Now I should put the girl ’FlyinDance’ in stage. Since She sent me an Em
ail indicating I’m funny, I have been waiting to have an encounter with her.
However, it’s a pity that we always lost the opportunity. So I could merely s
end a mail back to reply that I would try to train myself to be a funny guy so
as to prove she had a foresight. Consequently, I sent another mail to her, an
d she replied with another, then I answered the mail she sent to me, and again
she replied the mail I sent to her that originated from her. In sum, it testi
monies the old saying ’ An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth lasts for e
ver’. Although it’s better for us to resolve the overwhelming misunderstandi
ng, I found it getting bigger and bigger.
As a matter of face, what attracts my attention most is also her plan:
“ I am dancing elegantly in an a swarm crowd,
which arouses a unnamable expression in your eyes.
However stunned or appreciating,
it could not break my pas,
because what makes me vivacious is not your concentrated eyesight,
but my young heart.”
To be blunt, I can’t associate her with a dinosaur. If she is a dinosaur,
I would rather be her dessert, for it’s worthwhile to die in the hand of suc
h a dinosaur.
It seems that Ted has found something peculiar about me, so he persuaded m
e time and again to learn that we should not pay any emotion to the web and tr
eat it as a game, and after all, virtual things can’t exit in the world. So l
et the dinosaurs be dinosaurs, let the dogs be dogs, and let dream be dream. N
obody knows the gender, personality or appearance of a guy behind an English I
D. How could the love of shit happen?
.....
The next day in chat room, someone sent me a message online.
I was very excited. As usual, I closed my hands and prayed for a version o
f girl who longed for love. Then hit “Enter“.
“Hippy, are you not sleeping?“
Wo kao! It was “flyindance“!!!, a girl with either flying hair or flying
skirt.
I started to do keep breath. Ted is dating someone tonight. Damn it! At su
ch urgent moment, I have to struggle all by myself. Had I known that beforehan
d, I’d have asked him to be a vegetarian just for tonight. With my crappy sen
se of humor and dumb talking style, how am I supposed to attract her???
“Hippy, I’m in a bad mood and can’t sleep.“
Kao, Ted! Aren’t you so bored as to make me use “Hippy’’ as my assumed
name and claimed that it was likely to gain sheeps’ eyes, especially some pu
re naive girls. Aren’t my previous ones more attractive, such as “Loving-you
Jack“, “Mr.Romance“, “ You jump, and I will jump.“ I Just could’t imagi
ne right now she was calling me “Hippy“. Damn it!
“I’m in a bad mood too ... let’s make it negative times negative be pos
itive! OK?“
Trying really hard, I come up with that, already sweaty. Actually my mood
is OK, but I don’t want to negate her just at the beginning. Also if later sh
e asked me why I was not happy, I could simply say: “ You are not happy. How
can I be happy?“ That is a kind of cheesy, but Ted always says that’s the ba
sic requirement for dating a girl. He claimed that woman was a weird creature
in that they believe in their ears much more than their eyes, so it is usually
more effective to say something good to move her, rather than do anything els
e.
?Why not, but you haven’t said hello to me yet :)“
“Damn! Amn’t I ashamed of being the most polite gentleman in my departme
nt?“
“How are you? a girl with a long hair“
I had been hoping her to have flying hair instead of skirt, so I just sens
ibly assume that she has long hair. God please please, don’t make me wrong!
.....
The next day in chat room, someone sent me a message online.
I was very excited. As usual, I closed my hands and prayed for a version o
f girl who longed for love. Then hit “Enter“.
“Hippy, are you not sleeping?“
Wo kao! It was “flyindance“!!!, a girl with either flying hair or flying
skirt.
I started to do keep breath. Ted is dating someone tonight. Damn it!At suc
h urgent moment, I have to struggle all by myself. Had I known that beforehand
, I’d have asked him to be a vegetarian just for tonight. With my crappy sens
e of humor and dumb talking style, how am I supposed to attract her???
“Hippy, I’m in a bad mood and can’t sleep.“
Kao, Ted! Aren’t you so bored as to make me use “Hippy’’ as my assumed
name and claimed that it was likely to gain sheeps’ eyes, especially some pu
re naive girls. Aren’t my previous ones more attractive, such as “Loving-you
Jack“, “Mr.Romance“, “ You jump, and I will jump.“ I Just could’t imagi
ne right now she was calling me “Hippy“.Damn it!
“I’m in a bad mood too ... let’s make it negative times negative be pos
itive! OK?“
Trying really hard, I come up with that, already sweaty. Actually my mood
is OK, but I don’t want to negate her just at the beginning. Also if later sh
e asksedme why I was not happy, I could simply say: “ You are not happy. How
can I be happy?“ That is a kind of cheesy, but Ted always says that’s the ba
sic requirement for dating a girl. He claimed that woman was a weird creature
in that they believe in their ears much more than their eyes, so it is usually
more effective to say something good to move her, rather than do anything els
e.
“Why not, but you haven’t said hello to me yet :)“
“Damn! Amn’t I ashamed of being the most polite gentleman in my departme
nt?“
“How are you? a girl with a long hair“
I had been hoping her to have flying hair instead of skirt, so I just sens
ibly assume that she has long hair. God please please, don’t make me wrong!
“Well, how come do you know that I have long hair?“
ingo! Wonderful! That shows that she is not a dinonaur. I’m so out of
joy.
“Not only do I know that you have a long hair, I can also ensure that you
don’t like to wear skirt.“
The bigger the stake, the more the prize. If I get this right again, every
thing will be cool!
“What! Again you even got that correctly!“
Oh my god! I’m just slightly smarter and slightly more friendly than anyo
ne else in the world. Why bothers giving me such a big prize?
“I just think that you must have a pair of really beautiful legs, so you
definitely shouldn’t hide them with your dress.“
I’m a bit sick of myself. Ted used to say that once you can naturally say
that kind of compliment to a girl, you get a B.D. (bachelor of dating).Guess
I still have a long way to go.
“Uh...“
That’s the special rights that women on web have.Whenever they don’t kno
w how to answer you, just use “ Uh“ or “:)“ to get through.I think it a re
ally smart way.She not only easily accepts any compliments, but also acts as i
f she doesn’t care about it.
“Are you feeling better, dear Miss flyingdancer?“
Even though I’m curious to know why she is not happy, I hold the question
.Because when girls are in a bad mood, they are sometimes kind of dangerous.If
you ask her directly: “ Why are you not happy “, she tends to be mad.What i
f she just lost her virginity, or stepped on dog shit, she’ll definitely kick
your ass on the spot.
?Much better, lovely Mr. Hippy.“
“Lovely“? That’s not the most satisfactory word, but it’s at least acc
eptable. But no matter how lovely Mr. Hippy is, he is still dummy. I should ha
ve had come up with a new name, more noble and poetic by tomorrow.
?Knowing you are feeling better, I also feel better.Isn’t that strange?
“
I applied my previous reply nicely, so proud of myself. No matter what, I’
m at least Ted’s roommate.
?Hippy, I’ve got to go to bed.Tomorrow 10am let’s meet again, shall we
?“
eems that my previous reply is taking its effect.
?Whatever you do, wherever you are, I’ll always be there waiting for yo
u. Tomorrow at 10 is cool.“
YAY!This can be included in the top ten quotes of the year. Influenced by
Ted, I find myself actually not that bad, even though my hands are still tremb
ling when typing the last sentence.But I’m still deeply impressed by my unbel
ievable talent.
“Ok Hippy, good night and see you tomorrow.“
The First Intimate Touch
Chapter3 Encounter on the Web
----Written by Hippy. Cai
“Oh, oh? Given a vial of love potion, I will be hard on overnight厖”, he
aring the stupid lyrics of Andy’s song Farewell-love Water, I know that Tai i
s coming. It goes without saying that one girl has fallen into his hand.
Tai said it time and again that he didn’t seldom think of obtaining a tru
e love, but his superior conditions which will bring a feeling of insecurity t
o his girlfriend determine it. So he concluded at last, ‘ I, such a gentle ma
n, shouldn’t behave ruttishly. However, it’s my nature which drives me to do
so.’
Absolutely, it’s a chicanery. But, practically, many many men are the sec
ond Tai more or less.
The only difference is that they lack the charming which is the weapon of
chasing girls.
I tell Tai that I have just met FlyinDance.
“congratulations厖 having such a good opportune, shouldn’t we have a dri
nk?”
Tai must be joking. I have to get up early tomorrow. Drinking will result
in trouble.
“OK, let’s delay it until you are heart-broken”
WAO! It seems that you are cursing me
“Did I allude to you? I am cursing you straight.”
Horse’s! If I was your rival in strength, I would beat you to cry.
‘Hipy?don’t be angry? I am using the method of cooling in adult psycholo
gy厖 when yearning for something, you need to be poured water on?Then you can
consolidate step by step, attack and seize every castle, and capture princesse
s and queens”
To be honest, it’s true. Otherwise I will get on my horse.
I am a gay who take a day for a night. So getting up at 10 a.m. is a littl
e difficult task for me.
‘Tai?call me tomorrow morning’
‘Recollect detailedly?your sensuality卆s if your body?appears on the bed’
He is singing the adapted song You are in an Alien Land. I find myself rea
lly an ass to count on him.
So I set two alarm clocks. One on the bedside and the other laid on the fa
rthest corner of my bed. Such a layout assures me that my alarms will not wake
n my indexes.
‘Hippy… what a coincidence…”
I am lucky enough. Though I have slept overtime, I log on to the net in ti
me.
‘Yeah…how coincident it is…’
Girls are really peculiar animals. They have dated boys, but put on a pose
of encountering unexpectedly. Maybe it’s QiongYao’s love stories that spoil
them.
Those girls believe that men they happen to know on the web are the most f
antastic.
“Hippy?you are boasting’
Also the charming of men..........
--
好想振作一点点，真的好想
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