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发信人: fzx (化石), 信区: English
标 题: Jane Eyre 23
发信站: 紫 丁 香 (Wed May 19 21:23:23 1999), 转信
CHAPTER XXIII
A SPLENDID Midsummer shone over England: skies so pure, suns so radiant
as were then seen in long succession, seldom favour even singly, our
wave-girt land. It was as if a band of Italian days had come from the South,
like a flock of glorious passenger birds, and lighted to rest them on the
cliffs of Albion. The hay was all got in; the fields round Thornfield were
green and shorn; the roads white and baked; the trees were in their dark
prime; hedge and wood, full-leaved and deeply tinted, contrasted well with
the sunny hue of the cleared meadows between.
On Midsummer-eve, Adele, weary with gathering wild strawberries in Hay
Lane half the day, had gone to bed with the sun. I watched her drop asleep,
and when I left her, I sought the garden.
It was now the sweetest hour of the twenty-four:- 'Day its fervid fires
had wasted,' and dew fell cool on panting plain and scorched summit. Where
the sun had gone down in simple state- pure of the pomp of clouds- spread
a solemn purple, burning with the light of red jewel and furnace flame
at one point, on one hill-peak, and extending high and wide, soft and still
softer, over half heaven. The east had its own charm of fine deep blue,
and its own modest gem, a rising and solitary star: soon it would boast
the moon; but she was yet beneath the horizon.
I walked a while on the pavement; but a subtle, well-known scent- that
of a cigar- stole from some window; I saw the library casement open a
hand-breadth; I knew I might be watched thence; so I went apart into the
orchard. No nook in the grounds more sheltered and more Eden-like; it was
full of trees, it bloomed with flowers: a very high wall shut it out from
the court, on one side; on the other, a beech avenue screened it from the
lawn. At the bottom was a sunk fence; its sole separation from lonely
fields: a winding walk, bordered with laurels and terminating in a giant
horse-chestnut, circled at the base by a seat, led down to the fence. Here
one could wander unseen. While such honey-dew fell, such silence reigned,
such gloaming gathered, I felt as if I could haunt such shade for ever;
but in threading the flower and fruit parterres at the upper part of the
enclosure, enticed there by the light the now rising moon cast on this
more open quarter, my step is stayed-not by sound, not by sight, but once
more by a warning fragrance.
Sweet-briar and southernwood, jasmine, pink, and rose have long been
yielding their evening sacrifice of incense: this new scent is neither
of shrub nor flower; it is- I know it well- it is Mr. Rochester's cigar.
I look round and I listen. I see trees laden with ripening fruit. I hear
a nightingale warbling in a wood half a mile off; no moving form is visible,
no coming step audible; but that perfume increases: I must flee. I make
for the wicket leading to the shrubbery, and I see Mr. Rochester entering.
I step aside into the ivy recess; he will not stay long: he will soon return
whence he came, and if I sit still he will never see me.
But no- eventide is as pleasant to him as to me, and this antique garden
as attractive; and he strolls on, now lifting the gooseberry-tree branches
to look at the fruit, large as plums, with which they are laden; now taking
a ripe cherry from the wall; now stooping towards a knot of flowers, either
to inhale their fragrance or to admire the dew-beads on their petals. A
great moth goes humming by me; it alights on a plant at Mr. Rochester's
foot: he sees it, and bends to examine it.
'Now, he has his back towards me,' thought I, 'and he is occupied too;
perhaps, if I walk softly, I can slip away unnoticed.'
I trode on an edging of turf that the crackle of the pebbly gravel might
not betray me: he was standing among the beds at a yard or two distant
from where I had to pass; the moth apparently engaged him. 'I shall get
by very well,' I meditated. As I crossed his shadow, thrown long over the
garden by the moon, not yet risen high, he said quietly, without turning-
'Jane, come and look at this fellow.'
I had made no noise: he had not eyes behind- could his shadow feel?
I started at first, and then I approached him.
'Look at his wings,' said he, 'he reminds me rather of a West Indian
insect; one does not often see so large and gay a night-rover in England;
there! he is flown.'
The moth roamed away. I was sheepishly retreating also; but Mr.
Rochester followed me, and when we reached the wicket, he said-
'Turn back: on so lovely a night it is a shame to sit in the house;
and surely no one can wish to go to bed while sunset is thus at meeting
with moonrise.'
It is one of my faults, that though my tongue is sometimes prompt enough
at an answer, there are times when it sadly fails me in framing an excuse;
and always the lapse occurs at some crisis, when a facile word or plausible
pretext is specially wanted to get me out of painful embarrassment. I did
not like to walk at this hour alone with Mr. Rochester in the shadowy
orchard; but I could not find a reason to allege for leaving him. I followed
with lagging step, and thoughts busily bent on discovering a means of
extrication; but he himself looked so composed and so grave also, I became
ashamed of feeling any confusion: the evil- if evil existent or
prospective there was- seemed to lie with me only; his mind was unconscious
and quiet.
'Jane,' he recommenced, as we entered the laurel walk, and slowly
strayed down in the direction of the sunk fence and the horse-chestnut,
'Thornfield is a pleasant place in summer, is it not?'
'Yes, sir.'
'You must have become in some degree attached to the house,- you, who
have an eye for natural beauties, and a good deal of the organ of
Adhesiveness?'
'I am attached to it, indeed.'
'And though I don't comprehend how it is, I perceive you have acquired
a degree of regard for that foolish little child Adele, too; and even for
simple dame Fairfax?'
'Yes, sir; in different ways, I have an affection for both.'
'And would be sorry to part with them?'
'Yes.'
'Pity!' he said, and sighed and paused. 'It is always the way of events
in this life,' he continued presently: 'no sooner have you got settled
in a pleasant resting-place, than a voice calls out to you to rise and
move on, for the hour of repose is expired.'
'Must I move on, sir?' I asked. 'Must I leave Thornfield?'
'I believe you must, Jane. I am sorry, Janet, but I believe indeed you
must.'
This was a blow: but I did not let it prostrate me.
'Well, sir, I shall be ready when the order to march comes.'
'It is come now- I must give it to-night.'
'Then you are going to be married, sir?'
'Ex-act-ly- pre-cise-ly: with your usual acuteness, you have hit the
nail straight on the head.'
'Soon, sir?'
'Very soon, my- that is, Miss Eyre: and you'll remember, Jane, the first
time I, or Rumour, plainly intimated to you that it was my intention to
put my old bachelor's neck into the sacred noose, to enter into the holy
estate of matrimony- to take Miss Ingram to my bosom, in short (she's an
extensive armful: but that's not to the point- one can't have too much
of such a very excellent thing as my beautiful Blanche): well, as I was
saying- listen to me, Jane! You're not turning your head to look after
more moths, are you? That was only a lady-clock, child, "flying away home."
I wish to remind you that it was you who first said to me, with that
discretion I respect in you- with that foresight, prudence, and humility
which befit your responsible and dependent position- that in case I
married Miss Ingram, both you and little Adele had better trot forthwith.
I pass over the sort of slur conveyed in this suggestion on the character
of my beloved; indeed, when you are far away, Janet, I'll try to forget
it: I shall notice only its wisdom; which is such that I have made it my
law of action. Adele must go to school; and you, Miss Eyre, must get a
new situation.'
'Yes, sir, I will advertise immediately: and meantime, I suppose-' I
was going to say, 'I suppose I may stay here, till I find another shelter
to betake myself to': but I stopped, feeling it would not do to risk a
long sentence, for my voice was not quite under command.
'In about a month I hope to be a bridegroom,' continued Mr. Rochester;
'and in the interim, I shall myself look out for employment and an asylum
for you.'
'Thank you, sir; I am sorry to give-'
'Oh, no need to apologise! I consider that when a dependant does her
duty as well as you have done yours, she has a sort of claim upon her
employer for any little assistance he can conveniently render her; indeed
I have already, through my future mother-in-law, heard of a place that
I think will suit: it is to undertake the education of the five daughters
of Mrs. Dionysius O'Gall of Bitternutt Lodge, Connaught, Ireland. You'll
like Ireland, I think: they're such warmhearted people there, they say.'
'It is a long way off, sir.'
'No matter- a girl of your sense will not object to the voyage or the
distance.'
'Not the voyage, but the distance: and then the sea is a barrier-'
'From what, Jane?'
'From England and from Thornfield: and-'
'Well?'
'From you, sir.'
I said this almost involuntarily, and, with as little sanction of free
will, my tears gushed out. I did not cry so as to be heard, however; I
avoided sobbing. The thought of Mrs. O'Gall and Bitternutt Lodge struck
cold to my heart; and colder the thought of all the brine and foam, destined,
as it seemed, to rush between me and the master at whose side I now walked,
and coldest the remembrance of the wider ocean- wealth, caste, custom
intervened between me and what I naturally and inevitably loved.
'It is a long way,' I again said.
'It is, to be sure; and when you get to Bitternutt Lodge, Connaught,
Ireland, I shall never see you again, Jane: that's morally certain. I never
go over to Ireland, not having myself much of a fancy for the country.
We have been good friends, Jane; have we not?'
'Yes, sir.'
'And when friends are on the eve of separation, they like to spend the
little time that remains to them close to each other. Come! we'll talk
over the voyage and the parting quietly half an hour or so, while the stars
enter into their shining life up in heaven yonder: here is the chestnut
tree: here is the bench at its old roots. Come, we will sit there in peace
to-night, though we should never more be destined to sit there together.'
He seated me and himself.
'It is a long way to Ireland, Janet, and I am sorry to send my little
friend on such weary travels: but if I can't do better, how is it to be
helped? Are you anything akin to me, do you think, Jane?'
I could risk no sort of answer by this time: my heart was still.
'Because,' he said, 'I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to
you- especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string
somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a
similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame.
And if that boisterous Channel and two hundred miles or so of land come
broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and
then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly. As for you,-
you'd forget me.'
'That I never should, sir: you know-' Impossible to proceed.
'Jane, do you hear that nightingale singing in the wood? Listen!'
In listening, I sobbed convulsively; for I could repress what I endured
no longer; I was obliged to yield, and I was shaken from head to foot with
acute distress. When I did speak, it was only to express an impetuous wish
that I had never been born, or never come to Thornfield.
'Because you are sorry to leave it?'
The vehemence of emotion, stirred by grief and love within me, was
claiming mastery, and struggling for full sway, and asserting a right to
predominate, to overcome, to live, rise, and reign at last: yes,- and to
speak.
'I grieve to leave Thornfield: I love Thornfield:- I love it, because
I have lived in it a full and delightful life,- momentarily at least. I
have not been trampled on. I have not been petrified. I have not been buried
with inferior minds, and excluded from every glimpse of communion with
what is bright and energetic and high. I have talked, face to face, with
what I reverence, with what I delight in,- with an original, a vigorous,
an expanded mind. I have known you, Mr. Rochester; and it strikes me with
terror and anguish to feel I absolutely must be torn from you for ever.
I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessity
of death.'
'Where do you see the necessity?' he asked suddenly.
'Where? You, sir, have placed it before me.'
'In what shape?'
'In the shape of Miss Ingram; a noble and beautiful woman,- your bride.'
'My bride! What bride? I have no bride!'
'But you will have.'
'Yes;- I will!'- I will!' He set his teeth.
'Then I must go:- you have said it yourself.'
'No: you must stay! I swear it- and the oath shall be kept.'
'I tell you I must go!' I retorted, roused to something like passion.
'Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am an
automaton?- a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel
of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from
my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I
am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!- I have as much soul as you,-
and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much
wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now
for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of
custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh;- it is my spirit that
addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and
we stood at God's feet, equal,- as we are!'
'As we are!' repeated Mr. Rochester- 'so,' he added, enclosing me in
his arms, gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips on my lips: 'so,
Jane!'
'Yes, so, sir,' I rejoined: 'and yet not so; for you are a married man-
or as good as a married man, and wed to one inferior to you- to one with
whom you have no sympathy- whom I do not believe you truly love; for I
have seen and heard you sneer at her. I would scorn such a union: therefore
I am better than you- let me go!'
'Where, Jane? To Ireland?'
'Yes- to Ireland. I have spoken my mind, and can go anywhere now.'
'Jane, be still; don't struggle so, like a wild frantic bird that is
rending its own plumage in its desperation.'
'I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with
an independent will, which I now exert to leave you.'
Another effort set me at liberty, and I stood erect before him.
'And your will shall decide your destiny,' he said: 'I offer you my
hand, my heart, and a share of all my possessions.'
'You play a farce, which I merely laugh at.'
'I ask you to pass through life at my side- to be my second self, and
best earthly companion.'
'For that fate you have already made your choice, and must abide by
it.'
'Jane, be still a few moments: you are over-excited: I will be still
too.'
A waft of wind came sweeping down the laurel-walk and trembled through
the boughs of the chestnut: it wandered away- away- to an indefinite
distance- it died. The nightingale's song was then the only voice of the
hour: in listening to it, I again wept. Mr. Rochester sat quiet, looking
at me gently and seriously. Some time passed before he spoke; he at last
said-
'Come to my side, Jane, and let us explain and understand one another.'
'I will never again come to your side: I am torn away now, and cannot
return.'
'But, Jane, I summon you as my wife: it is you only I intend to marry.'
I was silent: I thought he mocked me.
'Come, Jane- come hither.'
'Your bride stands between us.'
He rose, and with a stride reached me.
'My bride is here,' he said, again drawing me to him, 'because my equal
is here, and my likeness. Jane, will you marry me?'
Still I did not answer, and still I writhed myself from his grasp: for
I was still incredulous.
'Do you doubt me, Jane?'
'Entirely.'
'You have no faith in me?'
'Not a whit.'
'Am I a liar in your eyes?' he asked passionately. 'Little sceptic,
you shall be convinced. What love have I for Miss Ingram? None: and that
you know. What love has she for me? None: as I have taken pains to prove:
I caused a rumour to reach her that my fortune was not a third of what
was supposed, and after that I presented myself to see the result; it was
coldness both from her and her mother. I would not- I could not- marry
Miss Ingram. You- you strange, you almost unearthly thing!- I love as my
own flesh. You- poor and obscure, and small and plain as you are- I entreat
to accept me as a husband.'
'What, me!' I ejaculated, beginning in his earnestness- and especially
in his incivility- to credit his sincerity: 'me who have not a friend in
the world but you- if you are my friend: not a shilling but what you have
given me?'
'You, Jane, I must have you for my own- entirely my own. Will you be
mine? Say yes, quickly.'
'Mr. Rochester, let me look at your face: turn to the moonlight.'
'Why?'
'Because I want to read your countenance- turn!'
'There! you will find it scarcely more legible than a crumpled,
scratched page. Read on: only make haste, for I suffer.'
His face was very much agitated and very much flushed, and there were
strong workings in the features, and strange gleams in the eyes.
'Oh, Jane, you torture me!' he exclaimed. 'With that searching and yet
faithful and generous look, you torture me!'
'How can I do that? If you are true, and your offer real, my only
feelings to you must be gratitude and devotion- they cannot torture.'
'Gratitude!' he ejaculated; and added wildly- 'Jane, accept me quickly.
Say, Edward- give me my name- Edward- I will marry you.'
'Are you in earnest? Do you truly love me? Do you sincerely wish me
to be your wife?'
'I do; and if an oath is necessary to satisfy you, I swear it.'
'Then, sir, I will marry you.'
'Edward- my little wife!'
'Dear Edward!'
'Come to me- come to me entirely now,' said he; and added, in his deepest
tone, speaking in my ear as his cheek was laid on mine, 'Make my happiness-
I will make yours.'
'God pardon me!' he subjoined ere long; 'and man meddle not with me:
I have her, and will hold her.'
'There is no one to meddle, sir. I have no kindred to interfere.'
'No- that is the best of it,' he said. And if I had loved him less I
should have thought his accent and look of exultation savage; but, sitting
by him, roused from the nightmare of parting- called to the paradise of
union- I thought only of the bliss given me to drink in so abundant a flow.
Again and again he said, 'Are you happy, Jane?' And again and again I
answered, 'Yes,' After which he murmured, 'It will atone- it will atone.
Have I not found her friendless, and cold, and comfortless? Will I not
guard, and cherish, and solace her? Is there not love in my heart, and
constancy in my resolves? It will expiate at God's tribunal. I know my
Maker sanctions what I do. For the world's judgment- I wash my hands
thereof. For man's opinion- I defy it.'
But what had befallen the night? The moon was not yet set, and we were
all in shadow: I could scarcely see my master's face, near as I was. And
what ailed the chestnut tree? it writhed and groaned; while wind roared
in the laurel walk, and came sweeping over us.
'We must go in,' said Mr. Rochester: 'the weather changes. I could have
sat with thee till morning, Jane.'
'And so,' thought I, 'could I with you.' I should have said so, perhaps,
but a livid, vivid spark leapt out of a cloud at which I was looking, and
there was a crack, a crash, and a close rattling peal; and I thought only
of hiding my dazzled eyes against Mr. Rochester's shoulder.
The rain rushed down. He hurried me up the walk, through the grounds,
and into the house; but we were quite wet before we could pass the threshold.
He was taking off my shawl in the hall, and shaking the water out of my
loosened hair, when Mrs. Fairfax emerged from her room. I did not observe
her at first, nor did Mr. Rochester. The lamp was lit. The dock was on
the stroke of twelve.
'Hasten to take off your wet things,' said he; 'and before you go,
good-night- good-night, my darling!'
He kissed me repeatedly. When I looked up, on leaving his arms, there
stood the widow, pale, grave, and amazed. I only smiled at her, and ran
upstairs. 'Explanation will do for another time,' thought I. Still, when
I reached my chamber, I felt a pang at the idea she should even temporarily
misconstrue what she had seen. But joy soon effaced every other feeling;
and loud as the wind blew, near and deep as the thunder crashed, fierce
and frequent as the lightning gleamed, cataract-like as the rain fell
during a storm of two hours' duration, I experienced no fear and little
awe. Mr. Rochester came thrice to my door in the course of it, to ask if
I was safe and tranquil: and that was comfort, that was strength for
anything.
Before I left my bed in the morning, little Adele came running in to
tell me that the great horse-chestnut at the bottom of the orchard had
been struck by lightning in the night, and half of it split away.
--
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