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发信人: fzx (化石), 信区: English
标 题: Sons and Lovers 4
发信站: 紫 丁 香 (Thu May 20 15:00:26 1999), 转信
CHAPTER IV
THE YOUNG LIFE OF PAUL
PAUL would be built like his mother, slightly and rather small. His fair
hair went reddish, and then dark brown; his eyes were grey. He was a pale,
quiet child, with eyes that seemed to listen, and witha full, dropping
underlip.
As a rule he seemed old for his years. He was so consciousof what other
people felt, particularly his mother. When shefretted he understood, and
could have no peace. His soul seemedalways attentive to her.
As he grew older he became stronger. William was too farremoved from him
to accept him as a companion. So the smaller boybelonged at first almost
entirely to Annie. She was a tomboy and a"flybie-skybie", as her mother
called her. But she was intenselyfond of her second brother. So Paul
was towed round at the heelsof Annie, sharing her game. She raced wildly
at lerky with the otheryoung wild-cats of the Bottoms. And always Paul
flew beside her,living her share of the game, having as yet no part of
his own. He was quiet and not noticeable. But his sister adored him. He
always seemed to care for things if she wanted him to.
She had a big doll of which she was fearfully proud, though notso fond.
So she laid the doll on the sofa, and covered it withan antimacassar, to
sleep. Then she forgot it. Meantime Paulmust practise jumping off the
sofa arm. So he jumped crash intothe face of the hidden doll. Annie
rushed up, uttered a loud wail,and sat down to weep a dirge. Paul remained
quite still.
"You couldn't tell it was there, mother; you couldn't tell itwas there,"
he repeated over and over. So long as Annie wept forthe doll he sat
helpless with misery. Her grief wore itself out. She forgave her
brother--he was so much upset. But a day or twoafterwards she was
shocked.
"Let's make a sacrifice of Arabella," he said. "Let's burn her."
She was horrified, yet rather fascinated. She wanted to seewhat the boy
would do. He made an altar of bricks, pulled some ofthe shavings out of
Arabella's body, put the waxen fragments intothe hollow face, poured on
a little paraffin, and set the whole thingalight. He watched with wicked
satisfaction the drops of wax melt offthe broken forehead of Arabella,
and drop like sweat into the flame. So long as the stupid big doll burned
he rejoiced in silence. At the end be poked among the embers with a stick,
fished out the armsand legs, all blackened, and smashed them under stones.
"That's the sacrifice of Missis Arabella," he said. "An' I'mglad there's
nothing left of her."
Which disturbed Annie inwardly, although she could say nothing. He seemed
to hate the doll so intensely, because he had broken it.
All the children, but particularly Paul, were peculiarlyagainst their
father, along with their mother. Morel continuedto bully and to drink.
He had periods, months at a time, when hemade the whole life of the family
a misery. Paul never forgotcoming home from the Band of Hope one Monday
evening and findinghis mother with her eye swollen and discoloured, his
father standingon the hearthrug, feet astride, his head down, and
William,just home from work, glaring at his father. There was a silenceas
the young children entered, but none of the elders looked round.
William was white to the lips, and his fists were clenched. He waited until
the children were silent, watching with children'srage and hate; then he
said:
"You coward, you daren't do it when I was in."
But Morel's blood was up. He swung round on his son. William was bigger,
but Morel was hard-muscled, and mad with fury.
"Dossn't I?" he shouted. "Dossn't I? Ha'e much more o'thy chelp, my
young jockey, an' I'll rattle my fist about thee. Ay, an' I sholl that,
dost see?"
Morel crouched at the knees and showed his fist in an ugly,almost
beast-like fashion. William was white with rage.
"Will yer?" he said, quiet and intense. "It 'ud be thelast time, though."
Morel danced a little nearer, crouching, drawing back his fistto strike.
William put his fists ready. A light came into hisblue eyes, almost like
a laugh. He watched his father. Another word,and the men would have
begun to fight. Paul hoped they would. The three children sat pale on
the sofa.
"Stop it, both of you," cried Mrs. Morel in a hard voice. "We've had enough
for ONE night. And YOU,"she said, turning on to her husband, "look at
your children!"
Morel glanced at the sofa.
"Look at the children, you nasty little bitch!" he sneered. "Why, what
have I done to the children, I should like to know? But they're like
yourself; you've put 'em up to your own tricks andnasty ways--you've
learned 'em in it, you 'ave."
She refused to answer him. No one spoke. After a while hethrew his boots
under the table and went to bed.
"Why didn't you let me have a go at him?" said William,when his father
was upstairs. "I could easily have beaten him."
"A nice thing--your own father," she replied.
"'FATHER!'" repeated William. "Call HIM MY father!"
"Well, he is--and so---"
"But why don't you let me settle him? I could do, easily."
"The idea!" she cried. "It hasn't come to THAT yet."
"No," he said, "it's come to worse. Look at yourself. WHY didn't you let
me give it him?"
"Because I couldn't bear it, so never think of it,"she cried quickly.
And the children went to bed, miserably.
When William was growing up, the family moved from the Bottomsto a house
on the brow of the hill, commanding a view of the valley,which spread out
like a convex cockle-shell, or a clamp-shell, before it. In front of the
house was a huge old ash-tree. The west wind,sweeping from Derbyshire,
caught the houses with full force,and the tree shrieked again. Morel
liked it.
"It's music," he said. "It sends me to sleep."
But Paul and Arthur and Annie hated it. To Paul it becamealmost a
demoniacal noise. The winter of their first yearin the new house their
father was very bad. The children playedin the street, on the brim of
the wide, dark valley, until eighto'clock. Then they went to bed. Their
mother sat sewing below. Having such a great space in front of the house
gave the childrena feeling of night, of vastness, and of terror. This
terror camein from the shrieking of the tree and the anguish of the home
discord. Often Paul would wake up, after he had been asleep a long
time,aware of thuds downstairs. Instantly he was wide awake. Then
heheard the booming shouts of his father, come home nearly drunk, then
thesharp replies of his mother, then the bang, bang of his father's fist
onthe table, and the nasty snarling shout as the man's voice got higher.
And then the whole was drowned in a piercing medley of shrieksand cries
from the great, wind-swept ash-tree. The childrenlay silent in suspense,
waiting for a lull in the wind to hearwhat their father was doing. He
might hit their mother again. There was a feeling of horror, a kind of
bristling in the darkness,and a sense of blood. They lay with their
hearts in the grip of anintense anguish. The wind came through the tree
fiercer and fiercer. All the chords of the great harp hummed, whistled,
and shrieked. And then came the horror of the sudden silence, silence
everywhere,outside and downstairs. What was it? Was it a silence of
blood? What had he done?
The children lay and breathed the darkness. And then, at last,they heard
their father throw down his boots and tramp upstairsin his stockinged feet.
Still they listened. Then at last,if the wind allowed, they heard the
water of the tap drumming intothe kettle, which their mother was filling
for morning, and theycould go to sleep in peace.
So they were happy in the morning--happy, very happy playing,dancing at
night round the lonely lamp-post in the midst ofthe darkness. But they
had one tight place of anxiety in their hearts,one darkness in their eyes,
which showed all their lives.
Paul hated his father. As a boy he had a fervent private religion.
"Make him stop drinking," he prayed every night. "Lord, let myfather
die," he prayed very often. "Let him not be killed at pit,"he prayed when,
after tea, the father did not come home from work.
That was another time when the family suffered intensely. The children
came from school and had their teas. On the hobthe big black saucepan
was simmering, the stew-jar was in the oven,ready for Morel's dinner. He
was expected at five o'clock. But formonths he would stop and drink every
night on his way from work.
In the winter nights, when it was cold, and grew dark early,Mrs. Morel
would put a brass candlestick on the table, light atallow candle to save
the gas. The children finished theirbread-and-butter, or dripping, and
were ready to go out to play. But if Morel had not come they faltered.
The sense of his sittingin all his pit-dirt, drinking, after a long day's
work, not cominghome and eating and washing, but sitting, getting drunk,
on an empty stomach,made Mrs. Morel unable to bear herself. From her the
feeling wastransmitted to the other children. She never suffered alone
any more: the children suffered with her.
Paul went out to play with the rest. Down in the great troughof twilight,
tiny clusters of lights burned where the pits were. A few last colliers
straggled up the dim field path. The lamplightercame along. No more
colliers came. Darkness shut down over the valley;work was done. It was
night.
Then Paul ran anxiously into the kitchen. The one candle stillburned on
the table, the big fire glowed red. Mrs. Morel sat alone. On the hob the
saucepan steamed; the dinner-plate lay waitingon the table. All the room
was full of the sense of waiting,waiting for the man who was sitting in
his pit-dirt, dinnerless,some mile away from home, across the darkness,
drinking himself drunk. Paul stood in the doorway.
"Has my dad come?" he asked.
"You can see he hasn't," said Mrs. Morel, cross with thefutility of the
question.
Then the boy dawdled about near his mother. They sharedthe same anxiety.
Presently Mrs. Morel went out and strainedthe potatoes.
"They're ruined and black," she said; "but what do I care?"
Not many words were spoken. Paul almost hated his motherfor suffering
because his father did not come home from work.
"What do you bother yourself for?" he said. "If he wantsto stop and get
drunk, why don't you let him?"
"Let him!" flashed Mrs. Morel. "You may well say 'let him'."
She knew that the man who stops on the way home from work is on aquick
way to ruining himself and his home. The children were yet young,and
depended on the breadwinner. William gave her the sense of
relief,providing her at last with someone to turn to if Morel failed.
Butthe tense atmosphere of the room on these waiting evenings was the same.
The minutes ticked away. At six o'clock still the cloth layon the table,
still the dinner stood waiting, still the same senseof anxiety and
expectation in the room. The boy could not stand itany longer. He could
not go out and play. So he ran in to Mrs. Inger,next door but one, for
her to talk to him. She had no children. Her husband was good to her but
was in a shop, and came home late.So, when she saw the lad at the door,
she called:
"Come in, Paul."
The two sat talking for some time, when suddenlythe boy rose, saying:
"Well, I'll be going and seeing if my mother wants an errand doing."
He pretended to be perfectly cheerful, and did not tell hisfriend what
ailed him. Then he ran indoors.
Morel at these times came in churlish and hateful.
"This is a nice time to come home," said Mrs. Morel.
"Wha's it matter to yo' what time I come whoam?" he shouted.
And everybody in the house was still, because he was dangerous. He ate
his food in the most brutal manner possible, and, when hehad done, pushed
all the pots in a heap away from him, to lay hisarms on the table. Then
he went to sleep.
Paul hated his father so. The collier's small, mean head,with its black
hair slightly soiled with grey, lay on the bare arms,and the face, dirty
and inflamed, with a fleshy nose and thin,paltry brows, was turned
sideways, asleep with beer and wearinessand nasty temper. If anyone
entered suddenly, or a noise were made,the man looked up and shouted:
"I'll lay my fist about thy y'ead, I'm tellin' thee, if thadoesna stop
that clatter! Dost hear?"
And the two last words, shouted in a bullying fashion,usually at Annie,
made the family writhe with hate of the man.
He was shut out from all family affairs. No one told him anything. The
children, alone with their mother, told her all about theday's happenings,
everything. Nothing had really taken place inthem until it was told to
their mother. But as soon as the fathercame in, everything stopped. He
was like the scotch in the smooth,happy machinery of the home. And he
was always aware of this fallof silence on his entry, the shutting off
of life, the unwelcome. But now it was gone too far to alter.
He would dearly have liked the children to talk to him,but they could not.
Sometimes Mrs. Morel would say:
"You ought to tell your father."
Paul won a prize in a competition in a child's paper. Everybody was highly
jubilant.
"Now you'd better tell your father when be comes in,"said Mrs. Morel.
"You know how be carries on and says he's nevertold anything."
"All right," said Paul. But he would almost rather haveforfeited the
prize than have to tell his father.
"I've won a prize in a competition, dad," he said. Morel turned round to
him.
"Have you, my boy? What sort of a competition?"
"Oh, nothing--about famous women."
"And how much is the prize, then, as you've got?"
"It's a book."
"Oh, indeed! "
"About birds."
"Hm--hm! "
And that was all. Conversation was impossible between thefather and any
other member of the family. He was an outsider. He had denied the God
in him.
The only times when he entered again into the life of his own peoplewas
when he worked, and was happy at work. Sometimes, in the evening,he
cobbled the boots or mended the kettle or his pit-bottle. Thenhe always
wanted several attendants, and the children enjoyed it. They united with
him in the work, in the actual doing of something,when he was his real
self again.
He was a good workman, dexterous, and one who, when he was in agood humour,
always sang. He had whole periods, months, almost years,of friction and
nasty temper. Then sometimes he was jolly again. It was nice to see him
run with a piece of red-hot iron intothe scullery, crying:
"Out of my road--out of my road!"
Then he hammered the soft, red-glowing stuff on his iron goose,and made
the shape he wanted. Or he sat absorbed for a moment,soldering. Then
the children watched with joy as the metal sanksuddenly molten, and was
shoved about against the nose of thesoldering-iron, while the room was
full of a scent of burnt resinand hot tin, and Morel was silent and intent
for a minute. He alwayssang when he mended boots because of the jolly
sound of hammering. And he was rather happy when he sat putting great
patches on hismoleskin pit trousers, which he would often do, considering
themtoo dirty, and the stuff too hard, for his wife to mend.
But the best time for the young children was when he made fuses. Morel
fetched a sheaf of long sound wheat-straws from the attic. These he cleaned
with his hand, till each one gleamed like astalk of gold, after which he
cut the straws into lengths ofabout six inches, leaving, if he could, a
notch at the bottomof each piece. He always had a beautifully sharp knife
that couldcut a straw clean without hurting it. Then he set in the
middleof the table a heap of gunpowder, a little pile of black grainsupon
the white-scrubbed board. He made and trimmed the strawswhile Paul and
Annie rifled and plugged them. Paul loved to seethe black grains trickle
down a crack in his palm into the mouthof the straw, peppering jollily
downwards till the straw was full. Then he bunged up the mouth with a bit
of soap--which he got onhis thumb-nail from a pat in a saucer--and the
straw was finished.
"Look, dad!" he said.
"That's right, my beauty," replied Morel, who was peculiarlylavish of
endearments to his second son. Paul popped the fuse intothe powder-tin,
ready for the morning, when Morel would take itto the pit, and use it to
fire a shot that would blast the coal down.
Meantime Arthur, still fond of his father, would leanon the arm of Morel's
chair and say:
"Tell us about down pit, daddy."
This Morel loved to do.
"Well, there's one little 'oss--we call 'im Taffy," he would begin. "An'
he's a fawce 'un!"
Morel had a warm way of telling a story. He made one feelTaffy's cunning.
"He's a brown 'un," he would answer, "an' not very high. Well, he comes
i' th' stall wi' a rattle, an' then yo' 'ear 'im sneeze.
"'Ello, Taff,' you say, 'what art sneezin' for? Bin ta'ein'some snuff?'
"An' 'e sneezes again. Then he slives up an' shoves 'is 'eadon yer, that
cadin'.
"'What's want, Taff?' yo' say."
"And what does he?" Arthur always asked.
"He wants a bit o' bacca, my duckie."
This story of Taffy would go on interminably, and everybodyloved it.
Or sometimes it was a new tale.
"An' what dost think, my darlin'? When I went to put my coaton at snap-time,
what should go runnin' up my arm but a mouse.
"'Hey up, theer!' I shouts.
"An' I wor just in time ter get 'im by th' tail."
"And did you kill it?"
"I did, for they're a nuisance. The place is fair snied wi' 'em."
"An' what do they live on?"
"The corn as the 'osses drops--an' they'll get in your pocket an'eat your
snap, if you'll let 'em--no matter where yo' hing your coat--the slivin',
nibblin' little nuisances, for they are."
These happy evenings could not take place unless Morelhad some job to do.
And then he always went to bed very early,often before the children.
There was nothing remaining for himto stay up for, when he had finished
tinkering, and had skimmedthe headlines of the newspaper.
And the children felt secure when their father was in bed. They lay and
talked softly a while. Then they started as the lightswent suddenly
sprawling over the ceiling from the lamps that swungin the hands of the
colliers tramping by outside, going to takethe nine o'clock shift. They
listened to the voices of the men,imagined them dipping down into the dark
valley. Sometimes theywent to the window and watched the three or four
lamps growingtinier and tinier, swaying down the fields in the darkness.
Then it was a joy to rush back to bed and cuddle closely inthe warmth.
Paul was rather a delicate boy, subject to bronchitis. The others were
all quite strong; so this was another reasonfor his mother's difference
in feeling for him. One day he camehome at dinner-time feeling ill. But
it was not a family to makeany fuss.
"What's the matter with YOU?" his mother asked sharply.
"Nothing," he replied.
But he ate no dinner.
"If you eat no dinner, you're not going to school," she said.
"Why?" he asked.
"That's why."
So after dinner he lay down on the sofa, on the warm chintzcushions the
children loved. Then he fell into a kind of doze. That afternoon Mrs.
Morel was ironing. She listened to the small,restless noise the boy made
in his throat as she worked. Again rosein her heart the old, almost weary
feeling towards him. She hadnever expected him to live. And yet he had
a great vitality in his young body. Perhaps it would have been a little
relief to her if he had died. She always felt a mixture of anguish in her
love for him.
He, in his semi-conscious sleep, was vaguely aware ofthe clatter of the
iron on the iron-stand, of the faint thud,thud on the ironing-board. Once
roused, he opened his eyes to seehis mother standing on the hearthrug with
the hot iron nearher cheek, listening, as it were, to the heat. Her still
face,with the mouth closed tight from suffering and disillusion
andself-denial, and her nose the smallest bit on one side, and her blueeyes
so young, quick, and warm, made his heart contract with love. When she
was quiet, so, she looked brave and rich with life, but asif she had been
done out of her rights. It hurt the boy keenly,this feeling about her
that she had never had her life's fulfilment: and his own incapability
to make up to her hurt him with a sense ofimpotence, yet made him patiently
dogged inside. It was his childish aim.
She spat on the iron, and a little ball of spit bounded,raced off the dark,
glossy surface. Then, kneeling, she rubbedthe iron on the sack lining
of the hearthrug vigorously. She waswarm in the ruddy firelight. Paul
loved the way she crouchedand put her head on one side. Her movements
were light and quick. It was always a pleasure to watch her. Nothing she
ever did,no movement she ever made, could have been found fault with byher
children. The room was warm and full of the scent of hot linen. Later
on the clergyman came and talked softly with her.
Paul was laid up with an attack of bronchitis. He did notmind much. What
happened happened, and it was no good kickingagainst the pricks. He loved
the evenings, after eight o'clock,when the light was put out, and he could
watch the fire-flames springover the darkness of the walls and ceiling;
could watch huge shadowswaving and tossing, till the room seemed full of
men who battled silently.
On retiring to bed, the father would come into the sickroom. He was always
very gentle if anyone were ill. But he disturbed theatmosphere for the
boy.
"Are ter asleep, my darlin'?" Morel asked softly.
"No; is my mother comin'?"
"She's just finishin' foldin' the clothes. Do you want anything?" Morel
rarely "thee'd" his son.
"I don't want nothing. But how long will she be?"
"Not long, my duckie."
The father waited undecidedly on the hearthrug for a momentor two. He
felt his son did not want him. Then he went to the topof the stairs and
said to his wife:
"This childt's axin' for thee; how long art goin' to be?"
"Until I've finished, good gracious! Tell him to go to sleep."
"She says you're to go to sleep," the father repeated gentlyto Paul.
"Well, I want HER to come," insisted the boy.
"He says he can't go off till you come," Morel called downstairs.
"Eh, dear! I shan't be long. And do stop shouting downstairs. There's
the other children---"
Then Morel came again and crouched before the bedroom fire. He loved a
fire dearly.
"She says she won't be long," he said.
He loitered about indefinitely. The boy began to get feverishwith
irritation. His father's presence seemed to aggravate allhis sick
impatience. At last Morel, after having stood lookingat his son awhile,
said softly:
"Good-night, my darling."
"Good-night," Paul replied, turning round in relief to be alone.
Paul loved to sleep with his mother. Sleep is still most perfect,in spite
of hygienists, when it is shared with a beloved. The warmth, the security
and peace of soul, the utter comfort fromthe touch of the other, knits
the sleep, so that it takes the bodyand soul completely in its healing.
Paul lay against her and slept,and got better; whilst she, always a bad
sleeper, fell later oninto a profound sleep that seemed to give her faith.
In convalescence he would sit up in bed, see the fluffyhorses feeding at
the troughs in the field, scattering their hayon the trodden yellow snow;
watch the miners troop home--small,black figures trailing slowly in gangs
across the white field. Then the night came up in dark blue vapour from
the snow.
In convalescence everything was wonderful. The snowflakes,suddenly
arriving on the window-pane, clung there a moment like swallows,then were
gone, and a drop of water was crawling down the glass. The snowflakes
whirled round the corner of the house,like pigeons dashing by. Away
across the valley the little blacktrain crawled doubtfully over the great
whiteness.
While they were so poor, the children were delighted if theycould do
anything to help economically. Annie and Paul and Arthurwent out early
in the morning, in summer, looking for mushrooms,hunting through the wet
grass, from which the larks were rising,for the white-skinned, wonderful
naked bodies crouched secretly inthe green. And if they got half a pound
they felt exceedingly happy: there was the joy of finding something, the
joy of accepting somethingstraight from the hand of Nature, and the joy
of contributing tothe family exchequer.
But the most important harvest, after gleaning for frumenty,was the
blackberries. Mrs. Morel must buy fruit for puddings onthe Saturdays;
also she liked blackberries. So Paul and Arthur scouredthe coppices and
woods and old quarries, so long as a blackberrywas to be found, every
week-end going on their search. In thatregion of mining villages
blackberries became a comparative rarity. But Paul hunted far and wide.
He loved being out in the country,among the bushes. But he also could
not bear to go home to hismother empty. That, he felt, would disappoint
her, and he wouldhave died rather.
"Good gracious!" she would exclaim as the lads came in,late, and tired
to death, and hungry, "wherever have you been?"
"Well," replied Paul, "there wasn't any, so we went overMisk Hills. And
look here, our mother!"
She peeped into the basket.
"Now, those are fine ones!" she exclaimed.
"And there's over two pounds-isn't there over two pounds"?
She tried the basket.
"Yes," she answered doubtfully.
Then Paul fished out a little spray. He always brought herone spray, the
best he could find.
"Pretty!" she said, in a curious tone, of a woman acceptinga love-token.
The boy walked all day, went miles and miles, rather thanown himself beaten
and come home to her empty-handed. She neverrealised this, whilst he was
young. She was a woman who waitedfor her children to grow up. And
William occupied her chiefly.
But when William went to Nottingham, and was not so much athome, the mother
made a companion of Paul. The latter wasunconsciously jealous of his
brother, and William was jealous of him. At the same time, they were good
friends.
Mrs. Morel's intimacy with her second son was more subtle and fine,perhaps
not so passionate as with her eldest. It was the rulethat Paul should
fetch the money on Friday afternoons. The colliersof the five pits were
paid on Fridays, but not individually. All the earnings of each stall were
put down to the chief butty,as contractor, and he divided the wages again,
either in thepublic-house or in his own home. So that the children
couldfetch the money, school closed early on Friday afternoons. Each of
the Morel children--William, then Annie, then Paul--had fetchedthe money
on Friday afternoons, until they went themselves to work. Paul used to
set off at half-past three, with a little calico bagin his pocket. Down
all the paths, women, girls, children, and menwere seen trooping to the
offices.
These offices were quite handsome: a new, red-brick building,almost like
a mansion, standing in its own grounds at the end ofGreenhill Lane. The
waiting-room was the hall, a long, bare roompaved with blue brick, and
having a seat all round, against the wall. Here sat the colliers in their
pit-dirt. They had come up early. The women and children usually loitered
about on the red gravel paths. Paul always examined the grass border, and
the big grass bank,because in it grew tiny pansies and tiny forget-me-nots.
Therewas a sound of many voices. The women had on their Sunday hats. The
girls chattered loudly. Little dogs ran here and there. The green shrubs
were silent all around.
Then from inside came the cry "Spinney Park--Spinney Park." All the folk
for Spinney Park trooped inside. When it was timefor Bretty to be paid,
Paul went in among the crowd. The pay-roomwas quite small. A counter
went across, dividing it into half. Behind the counter stood two men-
-Mr. Braithwaite and his clerk,Mr. Winterbottom. Mr. Braithwaite was
large, somewhat of the sternpatriarch in appearance, having a rather thin
white beard. He was usually muffled in an enormous silk neckerchief, and
rightup to the hot summer a huge fire burned in the open grate. No window
was open. Sometimes in winter the air scorched the throatsof the people,
coming in from the freshness. Mr. Winterbottomwas rather small and fat,
and very bald. He made remarks that werenot witty, whilst his chief
launched forth patriarchal admonitionsagainst the colliers.
The room was crowded with miners in their pit-dirt, men who hadbeen home
and changed, and women, and one or two children, and usuallya dog. Paul
was quite small, so it was often his fate to be jammedbehind the legs of
the men, near the fire which scorched him. He knew the order of the
names--they went according to stall number.
"Holliday," came the ringing voice of Mr. Braithwaite. Then Mrs. Holliday
stepped silently forward, was paid, drew aside.
"Bower--John Bower."
A boy stepped to the counter. Mr. Braithwaite, large and
irascible,glowered at him over his spectacles.
"John Bower!" he repeated.
"It's me," said the boy.
"Why, you used to 'ave a different nose than that," said glossyMr.
Winterbottom, peering over the counter. The people tittered,thinking of
John Bower senior.
"How is it your father's not come!" said Mr. Braithwaite,in a large and
magisterial voice.
"He's badly," piped the boy.
"You should tell him to keep off the drink," pronounced thegreat cashier.
"An' niver mind if he puts his foot through yer," said a mockingvoice from
behind.
All the men laughed. The large and important cashier lookeddown at his
next sheet.
"Fred Pilkington!" he called, quite indifferent.
Mr. Braithwaite was an important shareholder in the firm.
Paul knew his turn was next but one, and his heart began to beat. He was
pushed against the chimney-piece. His calves were burning. But he did not
hope to get through the wall of men.
"Walter Morel!" came the ringing voice.
"Here!" piped Paul, small and inadequate.
"Morel--Walter Morel!" the cashier repeated, his fingerand thumb on the
invoice, ready to pass on.
Paul was suffering convulsions of self-consciousness, and couldnot or
would not shout. The backs of the men obliterated him. Then Mr.
Winterbottom came to the rescue.
"He's here. Where is he? Morel's lad?"
The fat, red, bald little man peered round with keen eyes. He pointed at
the fireplace. The colliers looked round, moved aside,and disclosed the
boy.
"Here he is!" said Mr. Winterbottom.
Paul went to the counter.
"Seventeen pounds eleven and fivepence. Why don't youshout up when
you're called?" said Mr. Braithwaite. He bangedon to the invoice a
five-pound bag of silver, then in a delicateand pretty movement, picked
up a little ten-pound column of gold,and plumped it beside the silver.
The gold slid in a bright streamover the paper. The cashier finished
counting off the money;the boy dragged the whole down the counter to Mr.
Winterbottom,to whom the stoppages for rent and tools must be paid. Here
hesuffered again.
"Sixteen an' six," said Mr. Winterbottom.
The lad was too much upset to count. He pushed forward someloose silver
and half a sovereign.
"How much do you think you've given me?" asked Mr. Winterbottom.
The boy looked at him, but said nothing. He had not thefaintest notion.
"Haven't you got a tongue in your head?"
Paul bit his lip, and pushed forward some more silver.
"Don't they teach you to count at the Board-school?" he asked.
"Nowt but algibbra an' French," said a collier.
"An' cheek an' impidence," said another.
Paul was keeping someone waiting. With trembling fingers hegot his money
into the bag and slid out. He suffered the torturesof the damned on these
occasions.
His relief, when he got outside, and was walking along theMansfield Road,
was infinite. On the park wall the mosses were green. There were some
gold and some white fowls pecking under the appletrees of an orchard. The
colliers were walking home in a stream. The boy went near the wall,
self-consciously. He knew many of the men,but could not recognise them
in their dirt. And this was a newtorture to him.
When he got down to the New Inn, at Bretty, his father was notyet come.
Mrs. Wharmby, the landlady, knew him. His grandmother,Morel's mother,
had been Mrs. Wharmby's friend.
"Your father's not come yet," said the landlady, in the peculiarhalf-
scornful, half-patronising voice of a woman who talks chieflyto grown men.
"Sit you down."
Paul sat down on the edge of the bench in the bar. Some colliers were
"reckoning"--sharing out their money--in a corner;others came in. They
all glanced at the boy without speaking. At last Morel came; brisk, and
with something of an air, even inhis blackness.
"Hello!" he said rather tenderly to his son. "Have you bested me? Shall
you have a drink of something?"
Paul and all the children were bred up fierce anti-alcoholists,and he
would have suffered more in drinking a lemonade before allthe men than
in having a tooth drawn.
The landlady looked at him de haut en bas, rather pitying,and at the same
time, resenting his clear, fierce morality. Paul went home, glowering.
He entered the house silently. Friday was baking day, and there was usually
a hot bun. His motherput it before him.
Suddenly he turned on her in a fury, his eyes flashing:
"I'm NOT going to the office any more," he said.
"Why, what's the matter?" his mother asked in surprise. His sudden rages
rather amused her.
"I'm NOT going any more," he declared.
"Oh, very well, tell your father so."
He chewed his bun as if he hated it.
"I'm not--I'm not going to fetch the money."
"Then one of Carlin's children can go; they'd be glad enoughof the
sixpence," said Mrs. Morel.
This sixpence was Paul's only income. It mostly went in buyingbirthday
presents; but it WAS an income, and he treasured it. But---
"They can have it, then!" he said. "I don't want it."
"Oh, very well," said his mother. "But you needn't bully MEabout it."
"They're hateful, and common, and hateful, they are,and I'm not going any
more. Mr. Braithwaite drops his 'h's', an'Mr. Winterbottom says 'You
was'."
"And is that why you won't go any more?" smiled Mrs. Morel.
The boy was silent for some time. His face was pale, his eyesdark and
furious. His mother movedabout at her work, taking no notice of him.
"They always stan' in front of me, so's I can't get out,"he said.
"Well, my lad, you've only to ASK them," she replied.
"An' then Alfred Winterbottom says, 'What do they teach youat the
Board-school?'"
"They never taught HIM much," said Mrs. Morel, "that is a fact--neither
manners nor wit--and his cunning he was born with."
So, in her own way, she soothed him. His ridiculous hypersensitiveness
made herheart ache. And sometimes the fury in his eyesroused her, made
her sleeping soul lift up its head a moment, surprised.
"What was the cheque?" she asked.
"Seventeen pounds eleven and fivepence, and sixteenand six stoppages,"
replied the boy. "It's a good week;and only five shillings stoppages for
my father."
So she was able to calculate how much her husband had earned,and could
call him to account if he gave her short money. Morel always kept to himself
the secret of the week's amount.
Friday was the baking night and market night. It was therule that Paul
should stay at home and bake. He loved to stopin and draw or read; he
was very fond of drawing. Annie always"gallivanted" on Friday nights;
Arthur was enjoying himself as usual. So the boy remained alone.
Mrs. Morel loved her marketing. In the tiny market-place onthe top of
the hill, where four roads, from Nottingham and Derby,Ilkeston and
Mansfield, meet, many stalls were erected. Brakes ranin from surrounding
villages. The market-place was full of women,the streets packed with men.
It was amazing to see so many meneverywhere in the streets. Mrs. Morel
usually quarrelled withher lace woman, sympathised with her fruit
man--who was a gabey,but his wife was a bad 'un--laughed with the fish
man--who wasa scamp but so droll--put the linoleum man in his place, was
coldwith the odd-wares man, and only went to the crockery man when shewas
driven--or drawn by the cornflowers on a little dish; then shewas coldly
polite.
"I wondered how much that little dish was," she said.
"Sevenpence to you."
"Thank you."
She put the dish down and walked away; but she could not leavethe
market-place without it. Again she went by where the potslay coldly on
the floor, and she glanced at the dish furtively,pretending not to.
She was a little woman, in a bonnet and a black costume. Her bonnet was
in its third year; it was a great grievance to Annie.
"Mother!" the girl implored, "don't wear that nubbly little bonnet."
"Then what else shall I wear," replied the mother tartly. "And I'm sure
it's right enough."
It had started with a tip; then had had flowers; now wasreduced to black
lace and a bit of jet.
"It looks rather come down," said Paul. "Couldn't you giveit a pick-
me-up?"
"I'll jowl your head for impudence," said Mrs. Morel, and shetied the
strings of the black bonnet valiantly under her chin.
She glanced at the dish again. Both she and her enemy,the pot man, had
an uncomfortable feeling, as if there were somethingbetween them.
Suddenly he shouted:
"Do you want it for fivepence?"
She started. Her heart hardened; but then she stooped and tookup her
dish.
"I'll have it," she said.
"Yer'll do me the favour, like?" he said. "Yer'd better spitin it, like
yer do when y'ave something give yer."
Mrs. Morel paid him the fivepence in a cold manner.
"I don't see you give it me," she said. "You wouldn't let mehave it for
fivepence if you didn't want to."
"In this flamin', scrattlin' place you may count yerself luckyif you can
give your things away," he growled.
"Yes; there are bad times, and good," said Mrs. Morel.
But she had forgiven the pot man. They were friends. She dare now finger
his pots. So she was happy.
Paul was waiting for her. He loved her home-coming. Shewas always her
best so--triumphant, tired, laden with parcels,feeling rich in spirit.
He heard her quick, light step in the entryand looked up from his drawing.
"Oh!" she sighed, smiling at him from the doorway.
"My word, you ARE loaded!" he exclaimed, putting down his brush.
"I am!" she gasped. "That brazen Annie said she'd meet me. SUCH a weight!"
She dropped her string bag and her packages on the table.
"Is the bread done?" she asked, going to the oven.
"The last one is soaking," he replied. "You needn't look,I've not
forgotten it."
"Oh, that pot man!" she said, closing the oven door. "You know what a wretch
I've said he was? Well, I don't think he'squite so bad."
"Don't you?"
The boy was attentive to her. She took off her littleblack bonnet.
"No. I think he can't make any money--well, it's everybody'scry alike
nowadays--and it makes him disagreeable."
"It would ME," said Paul.
"Well, one can't wonder at it. And he let me have--how muchdo you think
he let me have THIS for?"
She took the dish out of its rag of newspaper, and stoodlooking on it with
joy.
"Show me!" said Paul.
The two stood together gloating over the dish.
"I LOVE cornflowers on things," said Paul.
"Yes, and I thought of the teapot you bought me---"
"One and three," said Paul.
"Fivepence!"
"It's not enough, mother."
"No. Do you know, I fairly sneaked off with it. But I'dbeen extravagant,
I couldn't afford any more. And he needn'thave let me have it if he hadn't
wanted to."
"No, he needn't, need he," said Paul, and the two comfortedeach other from
the fear of having robbed the pot man.
"We c'n have stewed fruit in it," said Paul.
"Or custard, or a jelly," said his mother.
"Or radishes and lettuce," said he.
"Don't forget that bread," she said, her voice bright with glee.
Paul looked in the oven; tapped the loaf on the base.
"It's done," he said, giving it to her.
She tapped it also.
"Yes," she replied, going to unpack her bag. "Oh, and I'ma wicked,
extravagant woman. I know I s'll come to want."
He hopped to her side eagerly, to see her latest extravagance. She unfolded
another lump of newspaper and disclosed some roots ofpansies and of
crimson daisies.
"Four penn'orth!" she moaned.
"How CHEAP!" he cried.
"Yes, but I couldn't afford it THIS week of all weeks."
"But lovely!" he cried.
"Aren't they!" she exclaimed, giving way to pure joy. "Paul, look at this
yellow one, isn't it--and a face just like anold man!"
"Just!" cried Paul, stooping to sniff. "And smells that nice! But he's
a bit splashed."
He ran in the scullery, came back with the flannel, and carefullywashed
the pansy.
"NOW look at him now he's wet!" he said.
"Yes!" she exclaimed, brimful of satisfaction.
The children of Scargill Street felt quite select. At theend where the
Morels lived there were not many young things. So the few were more united.
Boys and girls played together,the girls joining in the fights and the
rough games, the boys takingpart in the dancing games and rings and
make-belief of the girls.
Annie and Paul and Arthur loved the winter evenings,when it was not wet.
They stayed indoors till the collierswere all gone home, till it was thick
dark, and the street wouldbe deserted. Then they tied their scarves round
their necks,for they scorned overcoats, as all the colliers' children
did,and went out. The entry was very dark, and at the end the wholegreat
night opened out, in a hollow, with a little tangle of lightsbelow where
Minton pit lay, and another far away opposite for Selby. The farthest tiny
lights seemed to stretch out the darkness for ever. The children looked
anxiously down the road at the one lamp-post,which stood at the end of
the field path. If the little,luminous space were deserted, the two boys
felt genuine desolation. They stood with their hands in their pockets
under the lamp,turning their backs on the night, quite miserable, watching
thedark houses. Suddenly a pinafore under a short coat was seen,and a
long-legged girl came flying up.
"Where's Billy Pillins an' your Annie an' Eddie Dakin?"
"I don't know."
But it did not matter so much--there were three now. They setup a game
round the lamp-post, till the others rushed up, yelling. Then the play
went fast and furious.
There was only this one lamp-post. Behind was the great scoopof darkness,
as if all the night were there. In front, another wide,dark way opened
over the hill brow. Occasionally somebody cameout of this way and went
into the field down the path. In a dozenyards the night had swallowed
them. The children played on.
They were brought exceedingly close together owing totheir isolation. If
a quarrel took place, the whole play was spoilt. Arthur was very touchy,
and Billy Pillins--really Philips--was worse. Then Paul had to side with
Arthur, and on Paul's side went Alice,while Billy Pillins always had Emmie
Limb and Eddie Dakin to backhim up. Then the six would fight, hate with
a fury of hatred,and flee home in terror. Paul never forgot, after one
of these fierceinternecine fights, seeing a big red moon lift itself up,
slowly,between the waste road over the hilltop, steadily, like a great
bird. And he thought of the Bible, that the moon should be turned to blood.
And the next day he made haste to be friends with Billy Pillins. And then
the wild, intense games went on again under the lamp-post,surrounded by
so much darkness. Mrs. Morel, going into her parlour,would hear the
children singing away:
"My shoes are made of Spanish leather, My socks are made of
silk; I wear a ring on every finger, I wash myself in milk."
They sounded so perfectly absorbed in the game as their voices cameout
of the night, that they had the feel of wild creatures singing. It stirred
the mother; and she understood when they came in at eighto'clock, ruddy,
with brilliant eyes, and quick, passionate speech.
They all loved the Scargill Street house for its openness,for the great
scallop of the world it had in view. On summer eveningsthe women would
stand against the field fence, gossiping, facingthe west, watching the
sunsets flare quickly out, till the Derbyshirehills ridged across the
crimson far away, like the black crestof a newt.
In this summer season the pits never turned full time,particularly the
soft coal. Mrs. Dakin, who lived next doorto Mrs. Morel, going to the
field fence to shake her hearthrug,would spy men coming slowly up the hill.
She saw at once theywere colliers. Then she waited, a tall, thin,
shrew-faced woman,standing on the hill brow, almost like a menace to the
poor collierswho were toiling up. It was only eleven o'clock. From the
far-offwooded hills the haze that hangs like fine black crape at the backof
a summer morning had not yet dissipated. The first man cameto the stile.
"Chock-chock!" went the gate under his thrust.
"What, han' yer knocked off?" cried Mrs. Dakin.
"We han, missis."
"It's a pity as they letn yer goo," she said sarcastically.
"It is that," replied the man.
"Nay, you know you're flig to come up again," she said.
And the man went on. Mrs. Dakin, going up her yard,spied Mrs. Morel taking
the ashes to the ash-pit.
"I reckon Minton's knocked off, missis," she cried.
"Isn't it sickenin!" exclaimed Mrs. Morel in wrath.
"Ha! But I'n just seed Jont Hutchby."
"They might as well have saved their shoe-leather,"said Mrs. Morel. And
both women went indoors disgusted.
The colliers, their faces scarcely blackened, were troopinghome again.
Morel hated to go back. He loved the sunny morning. But he had gone to
pit to work, and to be sent home again spoilthis temper.
"Good gracious, at this time!" exclaimed his wife, as he entered.
"Can I help it, woman?" he shouted.
"And I've not done half enough dinner."
"Then I'll eat my bit o' snap as I took with me,"he bawled pathetically.
He felt ignominious and sore.
And the children, coming home from school, would wonder to seetheir father
eating with his dinner the two thick slices of ratherdry and dirty
bread-and-butter that had been to pit and back.
"What's my dad eating his snap for now?" asked Arthur.
"I should ha'e it holled at me if I didna," snorted Morel.
"What a story!" exclaimed his wife.
"An' is it goin' to be wasted?" said Morel. "I'm not sucha extravagant
mortal as you lot, with your waste. If I dropa bit of bread at pit, in
all the dust an' dirt, I pick it up an'eat it."
"The mice would eat it," said Paul. "It wouldn't be wasted."
"Good bread-an'-butter's not for mice, either," said Morel. "Dirty or not
dirty, I'd eat it rather than it should be wasted."
"You might leave it for the mice and pay for it out of yournext pint,"
said Mrs. Morel.
"Oh, might I?" he exclaimed.
They were very poor that autumn. William had just gone awayto London,
and his mother missed his money. He sent ten shillings onceor twice, but
he had many things to pay for at first. His letterscame regularly once
a week. He wrote a good deal to his mother,telling her all his life, how
he made friends, and was exchanginglessons with a Frenchman, how he
enjoyed London. His mother feltagain he was remaining to her just as when
he was at home. She wroteto him every week her direct, rather witty
letters. All day long,as she cleaned the house, she thought of him. He
was in London: he would do well. Almost, he was like her knight who wore
HERfavour in the battle.
He was coming at Christmas for five days. There had neverbeen such
preparations. Paul and Arthur scoured the landfor holly and evergreens.
Annie made the pretty paper hoopsin the old-fashioned way. And there was
unheard-of extravagancein the larder. Mrs. Morel made a big and
magnificent cake. Then, feeling queenly, she showed Paul how to blanch
almonds. He skinned the long nuts reverently, counting them all, to see
notone was lost. It was said that eggs whisked better in a cold place.
So the boy stood in the scullery, where the temperature was nearlyat
freezing-point, and whisked and whisked, and flew in excitementto his
mother as the white of egg grew stiffer and more snowy.
"Just look, mother! Isn't it lovely?"
And he balanced a bit on his nose, then blew it in the air.
"Now, don't waste it," said the mother.
Everybody was mad with excitement. William was coming onChristmas Eve.
Mrs. Morel surveyed her pantry. There was a bigplum cake, and a rice cake,
jam tarts, lemon tarts, and mince-pies--two enormous dishes. She was
finishing cooking--Spanish tartsand cheese-cakes. Everywhere was
decorated. The kissing bunchof berried holly hung with bright and
glittering things, spun slowlyover Mrs. Morel's head as she trimmed her
little tarts in the kitchen. A great fire roared. There was a scent of
cooked pastry. He was dueat seven o'clock, but he would be late. The
three children had goneto meet him. She was alone. But at a quarter to
seven Morel camein again. Neither wife nor husband spoke. He sat in his
armchair,quite awkward with excitement, and she quietly went on with her
baking. Only by the careful way in which she did things could it be toldhow
much moved she was. The clock ticked on.
"What time dost say he's coming?" Morel asked for the fifth time.
"The train gets in at half-past six," she replied emphatically.
"Then he'll be here at ten past seven."
"Eh, bless you, it'll be hours late on the Midland,"she said indifferently.
But she hoped, by expecting him late,to bring him early. Morel went down
the entry to look for him. Then he came back.
"Goodness, man!" she said. "You're like an ill-sitting hen."
"Hadna you better be gettin' him summat t' eat ready?"asked the father.
"There's plenty of time," she answered.
"There's not so much as I can see on," he answered,turning crossly in his
chair. She began to clear her table. The kettle was singing. They waited
and waited.
Meantime the three children were on the platform at Sethley Bridge,on the
Midland main line, two miles from home. They waited one hour. A train
came--he was not there. Down the line the red and greenlights shone. It
was very dark and very cold.
"Ask him if the London train's come," said Paul to Annie,when they saw
a man in a tip cap.
"I'm not," said Annie. "You be quiet--he might send us off."
But Paul was dying for the man to know they were expectingsomeone by the
London train: it sounded so grand. Yet he was muchtoo much scared of
broaching any man, let alone one in a peaked cap,to dare to ask. The three
children could scarcely go into thewaiting-room for fear of being sent
away, and for fearsomething should happen whilst they were off the
platform. Still they waited in the dark and cold.
"It's an hour an' a half late," said Arthur pathetically.
"Well," said Annie, "it's Christmas Eve."
They all grew silent. He wasn't coming. They lookeddown the darkness
of the railway. There was London! It seemedthe utter-most of distance.
They thought anything might happenif one came from London. They were all
too troubled to talk. Cold, and unhappy, and silent, they huddled together
on the platform.
At last, after more than two hours, they saw the lights of anengine peering
round, away down the darkness. A porter ran out. The children drew back
with beating hearts. A great train,bound for Manchester, drew up. Two
doors opened, and from oneof them, William. They flew to him. He handed
parcels to themcheerily, and immediately began to explain that this great
train hadstopped for HIS sake at such a small station as Sethley Bridge:
it was not booked to stop.
Meanwhile the parents were getting anxious. The table was set,the chop
was cooked, everything was ready. Mrs. Morel put onher black apron. She
was wearing her best dress. Then she sat,pretending to read. The
minutes were a torture to her.
"H'm!" said Morel. "It's an hour an' a ha'ef."
"And those children waiting!" she said.
"Th' train canna ha' come in yet," he said.
"I tell you, on Christmas Eve they're HOURS wrong."
They were both a bit cross with each other, so gnawedwith anxiety. The
ash tree moaned outside in a cold, raw wind. And all that space of night
from London home! Mrs. Morel suffered. The slight click of the works
inside the clock irritated her. It was getting so late; it was getting
unbearable.
At last there was a sound of voices, and a footstep in the entry.
"Ha's here!" cried Morel, jumping up.
Then he stood back. The mother ran a few steps towardsthe door and waited.
There was a rush and a patter of feet,the door burst open. William was
there. He dropped his Gladstonebag and took his mother in his arms.
"Mater!" he said.
"My boy!" she cried.
And for two seconds, no longer, she clasped him and kissed him. Then she
withdrew and said, trying to be quite normal:
"But how late you are!"
"Aren't I!" he cried, turning to his father. "Well, dad!"
The two men shook hands.
"Well, my lad!"
Morel's eyes were wet.
"We thought tha'd niver be commin'," he said.
"Oh, I'd come!" exclaimed William.
Then the son turned round to his mother.
"But you look well," she said proudly, laughing.
"Well!" he exclaimed. "I should think so--coming home!"
He was a fine fellow, big, straight, and fearless-looking. Helooked round
at the evergreens and the kissing bunch, and the littletarts that lay in
their tins on the hearth.
"By jove! mother, it's not different!" he said, as if in relief.
Everybody was still for a second. Then he suddenly sprang forward,picked
a tart from the hearth, and pushed it whole into his mouth.
"Well, did iver you see such a parish oven!" the father exclaimed.
He had brought them endless presents. Every penny he had he hadspent on
them. There was a sense of luxury overflowing in the house. For his mother
there was an umbrella with gold on the pale handle. She kept it to her
dying day, and would have lost anything ratherthan that. Everybody had
something gorgeous, and besides, there werepounds of unknown sweets:
Turkish delight, crystallised pineapple,and such-like things which, the
children thought, only the splendourof London could provide. And Paul
boasted of these sweets amonghis friends.
"Real pineapple, cut off in slices, and then turned intocrystal--fair
grand!"
Everybody was mad with happiness in the family. Home was home,and they
loved it with a passion of love, whatever the sufferinghad been. There
were parties, there were rejoicings. People camein to see William, to
see what difference London had made to him. And they all found him "such
a gentleman, and SUCH a fine fellow,my word"!
When he went away again the children retired to various placesto weep alone.
Morel went to bed in misery, and Mrs. Morel felt asif she were numbed by
some drug, as if her feelings were paralysed. She loved him passionately.
He was in the office of a lawyer connected with a largeshipping firm, and
at the midsummer his chief offered him a tripin the Mediterranean on one
of the boats, for quite a small cost. Mrs. Morel wrote: "Go, go, my boy.
You may never have a chance again,and I should love to think of you cruising
there in the Mediterraneanalmost better than to have you at home." But
William came home forhis fortnight's holiday. Not even the Mediterranean,
which pulledat all his young man's desire to travel, and at his poor man's
wonderat the glamorous south, could take him away when he might come home.
That compensated his mother for much.
--
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