发信人: oceann (dany), 信区: English
标 题: 好文共赏]苏姗，苏姗.........(转载)
发信站: 哈工大紫丁香 (Sun Aug 24 22:19:18 2003)
It had happened so suddenly, out of the blue...without warning! One minute Sus
an was alive. She was a vibrant young woman. She was just about to marry. She’
d just received her masters in journalism. Her life was full of hope and promi
se. And then in a split instant, in a random moment of fate everything changed
. She was gone....
Jeff put down the phone slowly. The tears hadn’t dampened his eyes yet. H
e stood there in the room. His face, frozen and covered with an expression of
shock. Then slowly, ever so slowly his body shook. His hand reached for the ch
airs arm, as his face reddened and his vision blurred with tears....
Her dad had said it was an accident. Someone had run a light at high speed
just as she was entering the intersection. She was thrown into the windshield
. They said it was quick, sudden....that she probably didn’t know what hit he
r...that she had felt no pain....
He sat in that chair, the tears flowing, until night fell, The phone’s ri
nging brought him out of his memories. It was her dad again...
“Hi, Jeff“ the father began. Then his voice broke, and there was a sob,
then a few minutes of silence. Then in a faltering voice he continued, “My wi
fe and I are leaving to claim and formally indentify her body in a little whil
e, The flight will be about 2 hours...“ Then for the longest time, there was
silence.... Then her dad, in a broken whisper said, “Jeff could you arrange h
er funeral, the plans...her mom, and I jus...“ And after another silence, bro
ken only by her dad’s sobs, Jeff heard the clicking sound as her dad dropped
the phone. Jeff just stood there, in the dark quiet hallway of his home. It wa
s a home Susan had helped him chose. It was to be their first home. Jeff’s ey
es burned as he cried out into the darkness at a mythical God, a God he’d nev
er known or understood-
“God, why,oh God why! Why Susan!...“
The following morning Jeff went to Susan’s house. Briefly, he saw her mom
and dad. They couldn’t talk, so Jeff just stood with them, sat with them a f
ew minutes. They sat in the living room, and his eyes kept returning to her pi
cture, above the mantle. Her deep brown eyes smiled upon him. He felt his eyes
wetten, and felt the warm tear flowing down his cheek. His chest quivered as
he struggled not to cry. Jeff felt her mom’s hand touch his arm as she whispe
red, “Jeff, Jeff.she loved you so...you were all she talked of....“ Jeff bro
ke out into sobs and his body was wracked with his anguish, and he hugged Susa
n’s mother. Her dad just stood, looking out the window, feeling a powerful in
ner scream. He was unable to cry, much as he wanted to....much as he needed to
....
Though his tortured eyes, he saw the clock. He knew he had to get to the f
uneral home. He knew he must do what her parents didn’t have the strength to
do. Gently he withdrew his embrace from Susan’s mom, and went upstairs to her
room. And he wondered if he had the strength for what lay ahead....
He stood outside her door for a moment, and felt something against his leg
s. It was Susan’s puppy, a young black Lab. It had been lying by her door: un
knowing, just waiting, and wondering where she was. Jeff, slipped to his knees
, and, as the pup licked him, Jeff roughed up her fur a little whispering, “I
t’s ok Scruffie, you are my dog now.“
Then he stood, opened the door, and slipped inside. The room was so much h
er: so much Susan. The morning sun splashed brightly across the room in sharp
contrast to the empty black of his mind. He saw her poster bed, the soft pinks
and whites of the bespread, blending softly together into a geometric whole.
He saw her posters and pictures on the wall: Einstein, O’Henry, Mark Twain an
d even one of HL Menkin. He saw the desk where she wrote, and Shakspeare’s bu
st. Beside that he saw their picture: a picture of when they had first met. Th
ey were in their favorite place, a place made just for them: it was a soft mea
dow high up on the mountain, and it was autumn. They were embracing, kissing.
The automatic camera had caught the image just as their lips brushed. Jeff smi
led as he rememebered that moment. That had been their first real kiss. It had
been that kiss that, although, really not the first was the one that joined t
heir being and they knew they were made to be together.
It was at that same spot that he had asked her to marry him, and she had a
ccepted. Jeffs tears poured forth as he remembered her whispered, and excited
“Yes, yes I’ll be your wife....“
He fell onto her bed, and buried his face in her pillow as he sobbed, and
cried. Her mom, standing just outside the door heard his whispered torment as
he cried, “Why, why....Susan, Susan I need you! God, I can’t go on without y
ou! I want to be with you... I want to be your husband...Susan Susan...Sus....
“ She wanted to go in and comfort him, but she knew he needed to be alone....
He lay there, and as he pressed his face into her pillow he smelled her pe
rfume, her hair, her body. It was as though she were with him, and he slipped
into a sleep. As he slept he imagined a meadow far away. And he saw Susan: in
her white wedding gown, holding a bouquet of flowers in her hand. There was a
soft golden glow behind her, illuminating her softly. He saw her eyes, her smi
le. Then her expression turned serious, and he felt something touching him and
he heard her soft voice as she said, “Jeff, Jeff...it’ll be allright...I’m
here in our field, awaiting you. I’ll always be with you. Just live...please
live life as you need. I’ll be here waiting. Someday we will marry and be to
gether for all time....“
As Jeff slept, the dream left as quickly as it had come, and he awakened t
o Scruffie, licking at his face, tail wagging. Jeff sat on the bedside so conf
used. He was here to find clues to what Susan would have wanted in her funeral
, some indication of her desire. He had no idea where to look. By accident, hi
s eyes glanced at her vanity. On it was a sealed box, white covered with roses
. He stood, and went to her vanity. in front of the small box was a brass key.
He sat at the vanity, slipped the key into the lock, and as the box popped op
en, he saw the Diary....
He took it in his hands, and his eyes closed. He asked himself if he shoul
d open the cover. He knew what he had to do. He opened his eyes, and ever so s
owly, he opened the covers and he was taken deep into the mind of Susan...his
love....
-he read of her hopes
-her fears
-her desires and dreams
-there was a section that told of what parts of the world, what events she
wanted to write of
He read those soft lines she had written when he asked her to marry him. T
he lines were one’s of wonder and joy, and the paragraph ended with a huge ar
tfully sketched yes.
Near the end of the Diary he found what he was looking for. It was just a
scribbled note. After all, she didnt think death was close. But, what she had
written was enough....
She wanted a simple, plain yet beautiful service. She wanted only her fami
ly and close friends present. She wanted a cherrywood casket with a soft white
lining. She didn’t want a minister or a priest. Oddly, she wanted her first
professor of English to handle the service. She wanted a poem by Dyan Thomas t
o be read. She wanted Jeff to choose it. She wanted to be buried in relaxing c
lothes. She suggested her peasant dress with slippers. Tears flowed even more
freely as he remembered that dress. He had given it to her as a gift shortly a
fter they had met....
He softly closed the diary. As he placed the small book back into the ches
t a small object fluttered from it, landing on the floor. It was a pedal from
the first rose he had ever given her. She’d kept it between the pages of her
diary. He buried his face in his hands, and his against her vanity he whispere
d, “Susan, Susan..I love you...“
He got to his feet and turned towards her closet to get the clothing she d
esired. As he opened the door, a package feel out, and as it landed on the flo
or, it opened, and her wedding gown slipped from it. He picked the gown up and
held it against him, pretending that she was in it, and that they were dancin
g....
And softly, as his eyes glistened, he whispered, “I do....“
And he heard her whispered, “I do...“
An hour or so later he found himself at the funeral parlor talking with th
e Director. The final arrangements were being made....
Jeff took the box he’d brought with him, and said “These are the clothes
she would want to be buried in.“
The Director looked at him and said with some surprise, yet gently, “Jeff
, Jeff..Im so sorry...I thought you knew...“
Jeff looked at him questioningly...
And he continued saying, “Jeff the accident wa severe, then the car burne
d and blew up. There is little that remains.“
Jeff simply sat there in shock. He was unable to feel, or to cry. He was n
umb. The Director, stood up, and silently left the office so Jeff could be alo
ne. Through closed eyes, Jeff saw her: remembered how she had loved clothes, h
er excitement at wearing something new...
After awhile, Jeff stood and found the Director, and asked, “Sir, at leas
t could you put these clothes in with her remains...please....“
The Director smiled, took the clothing and said “Yes...yes...we can, and
will do that.“
Jeff thanked him , and went to the casket where Susan lay. He stood there
for hours, his hands lightly whispering across the smooth cherrywood. He talke
d to Susan...of his love, their moments...
He sat beside her, his head resting against the Casket, and he fell asleep
....
The Director chose not to awaken the young man. What could it hurt, and he
closed up for the night....
The day of the funeral arrived. A soft morning sun shone down on the small
group. It was autumn, the same season as that first kiss. As the professor so
ftly recited Dyan Thomas, a red-gold leave fluttered through the air, landing
gently atop the casket...
And as the professor whispered the final words of the verse Jeff slipped t
o the casket, and placed a red rose upon it. He went to whisper, “I love you
Susan“ but no words would come...
He felt Susans mother at his side....
And as she led him to the awaiting car, he said “No...no...please no...I
must be alone....“
He felt her hand slip from him, and heard her say, “Jeff, just do what yo
u must....“
Her voice, at that moment was just like Susan’s...
Hours later he found himself in the moutains, at their meadow. Scruffie wa
s runinng and leaping about. Jeff sat sat down, at the spot where he and Susan
always sat. His eyes closed, he talked to her...
“I miss you Susan. I love you so so much...“
“I will never forget you, your touch, your smile, your laughter...I can’
t...I won’t ever say good bye...“
And as he taked to her, a light breeze came up, and he saw two leaves blow
ing softly across the field towards each other. They drifted on the breeze unt
il they merged, entwined, and dancing. They never did hit the ground, they jus
t flew, softly, beautifully against the breeze, illumunated by the soft sun...
And at that moment Jeff knew he was not alone...
And another tear fell, but it was a tear of thanks, for Susan had returned
to him here...
here in their special spot.
No one saw Jeff again much after that day. But Susan’s mom and dad knew h
e was OK, and doing what he needed to do....
They had read her Diary as well....
And Jeff, as a young journalist, was writing of the very things she would
have written of...
Jeff never did marry.
--
好想振作一点点，真的好想
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