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作  家: tanzhongqing (潇湘夜雨) on board 'English'
题  目: Joke(转寄）
来  源: 哈尔滨紫丁香站
日  期: Fri Aug 29 05:45:03 1997
出  处: byh.bbs@bbs.net.tsinghua.edu.cn

发信人: zhangd (�&�:�.�#), 信区: Joke
标  题: 美国笑话一责
日  期: Sat Sep 28 21:31:02 1996

    How do *you* hunt elephants...?

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing
   out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
   whatever is left.  Experienced mathematicians will attempt
   to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant
   before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
   Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at
   least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and
   capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their
   graduate students.

PHYSIC
ISTS hunt elephants by treating the elephant as a
   unstable W-Z particle and spend a fortune developing a
   Particle Accelerator large enough to detect one when a hippo
   and Rhino collide.

COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
      1. Go to Africa.
      2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
      3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the
         continent alternately east and west.
      4. During each traverse pass,
           a. Catch each animal seen.
           b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
           c. Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by
   placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the
   algorithm will terminate.  Assembly language programmers
   prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.

ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray
   animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs
   within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed
   elephant.

ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if
   elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.

STATISTICIANS hunt the 1st animal they see N times & call it
   an elephant.

CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted
   anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise
   those people who do.  Operations research consultants can
   also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to
   the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone
   else will only identify the elephants.

POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the
   elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.

LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds
   around arguing about who owns the droppings.  Software
   lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the
   look and feel of one dropping.

VICE PRESIDENTS of engineering, research, and development
   try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to
   prevent it.  When the vice president does get to hunt
   elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible
   elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president
   sees them.  If the vice president does see a nonprehunted
   elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's
   keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.

SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on
   the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but
   with deeper voices.

QUALITY ASSURANCE inspectors ignore the elephants and look for
   mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.

SALESPEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time
   selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days
   before the season opens.  Software salespeople ship the
   first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
   elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
   gray, and sell them as DESKTOP ELEPHANTS.

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